reality check :|

[floatingleaf]

I have a pathetically shameful and a little scary confession to make today. Supposedly I am this mature, clever, organized, responsible and down-to-earth person, right? And yet somehow I managed, for the past two years, to simply ignore the fact that my living expenses are actually HIGHER than my salary. The reason I was physically able to ignore it is because I had savings. Notice the past tense here?... Yep. I somehow managed to bring the contents of my checking account quite a few thousand bucks down while working a full-time job, and never really stop to think about what that means until now. But as of this week, it's finally dawning on me that if my account balance keeps dropping at the current rate, very soon there will be nothing left to fall back on when the paycheck isn't enough.

How did this all happen? I did have a well-paying job once. The one that laid me off back in January'06. I had it for over two years, and during that time I either lived with my parents (not paying rent at all) or rented out a room at a friend's place for a mere $400 a month. So that's how I managed to accumulate around $20,000 in my bank account without any conscious effort on my part. Then I got laid off - but I wasn't too worried about it, because, you know, I had all this money in the bank. I didn't even bother applying for unemployment until weeks later. Then I found this other job which I later had to quit - again, no unemployment benefits, because I chose to quit rather than be terminated (quitting looks better on a resume, and besides, I STILL had all this money in the bank). Then I found my current job, which pays shit, and soon after that decided to rent a place on my own. I somehow mysteriously came to the conclusion that I could afford it, despite my ridiculously low salary. Probably because I had never really developed the habit of monitoring my daily expenses. I had gotten so used to my account balance rising steadily all on its own, I guess I just subconsciously assumed it would start happening again at some point. Yes, I did notice it was actually going down - but I kept telling myself that it's because I had just moved and bought a lot of stuff to furnish the place, and that it will all even out it the end. Well... it didn't. Each time I opened a bank statement or went to the ATM to grab some cash, I had a little less left in there than before - but I was always able to find an explanation. You know, I just had to pay for this/that/some other thing - it will all even out once the next paycheck comes in. See where this is going?... I was in denial, plain and simple. I just couldn't face the possibility of having to either radically cut back on something or look for a new job/new place yet again. Well... seems like it's time to wake up.:/

So here's an early New Year's Resolution: from now on, I will not spend a dime on anything - and I repeat, ANYTHING - than can be qualified as a non-essential. That means no books, no CD's, no DVD's (except for Viggo's films, of course - but he does not qualify as a non-essential ;P), no comics, no new clothes (no matter how sick & tired I am of some of my old, ratty sweaters), no decorative trinkets to throw around the apartment, no useless-junk-just-because-it-was-on-sale etc. NOTHING. Also, from now on I will make an effort to get my groceries only from the cheapest places I know about. No more Whole Foods, dear. Let's face it: a person with a gross annual salary of $22,500 has NO BUSINESS shopping at Whole Foods. What was I thinking?... How delusional can I possibly get? I moved into a lower salary bracket and just kept acting as though nothing ever happened. Shit shit shit. See, I just fail at the whole economic/financial side of life. It overwhelms me. And what do I do if I can't cope with something? Well, I sort of avoid thinking about it. Fucking brilliant, innit? I suppose I get what I deserve. *headdesk*

Comments

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could help.

I've been staring at this for ages trying to come up with something useful to say, but I think all I am left with is *hugs*

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Well, I have put myself through this by way of a stubborn refusal to face reality. I think I deserve to deal with the consequences.:/

But thanks for the hugs, nonetheless.:) *hugs back*

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

Don't be so hard on yourself. :) *hugs* At least you've recognised the problem and now hopefully you can work through fixing it.

[samtyr.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know just how you feel since I am in very similar circumstances. You need to think positive though -- you know your problem and you have a workable solution. Things will work out, just try and stay positive. I know you can do it!! Take care!!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

you know your problem and you have a workable solution

Well, at this point I don't really know if it's a workable solution. I hope it is - but it might not be enough. *bites nails*

Things will work out, just try and stay positive.

I will. Thanks! *takes a deep breath*

[samtyr.livejournal.com]

Oh btw, You might want to check out the budget freeware at www mint dot com -- I've been hearing very positive things about it.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I just signed up for an account.:)

It looks cool, and it prevents you from conveniently forgetting how much you spent. Which, in my case, is a VERY good thing. *nods*

[romi.livejournal.com]

Well done discovering it now. And from now on... things will get better or so it sounds. You seem to be able to become very determined once you set your goal on something!

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad to hear you have such a comforting view of my personality. Let's hope you're right.;)

[crowdaughter.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't be too hard on yourself! I managed to do pretty much the same thing, practically, although I did not lose a job - in my case, it was the fact that I inherited some money from my mother and got used to having a balance of about two thousand Euros plus at the end of each month, due to the amount of money still left after most of it was spend for a new car.

Well, it turned out that after the last holiday (and not even one that expensive, I thought!), not only I had not left any money plus at the end of the month, anymore, but now there is still pretty much month left at the end of the money. And the bigger expenses I have to pay through the year - like insurances, or energy costs, or any repairs, for example - I feel very keenly.

In consequence, I made a list of what I earn and what I have to pay, started some projects of how to reduce my costs (for example, changing the provider for energy or gas, cutting down on the costs of insurances - things like that. I do it slowly, I am not fast in this), and also started to reduce the amount of things I spend money on, monthly. I do not deny me buying thin gs, completely - I just check that much harder if I need them and if I can afford them.

As a tip, a friend of mine who is even tighter with the money tan I am, has a method she uses to get on: she allows herself to spend a certain amount of money in one months, in addition to energy costs, rent and food. And after that amount is spent, anything else has to wait until next months. She says that this is working better for her than denying herself everything, completely. Maybe, that would be a compromise for you, too?

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's very easy to get used to having money to spare. Much more difficult to get used to not having enough. *sigh*

I made a list of what I earn and what I have to pay, started some projects of how to reduce my costs

I will have to do that too. I am starting by keeping my grocery receipts and comparing prices of similar items at various stores, to see how much I can save that way. If that's not enough, I might have to look for cheaper service providers (cell phone, internet etc.) - but I'm still hoping it won't be neessary.

Your friend's plan sounds good, but right now I'm so freaked out I will run out of money completely that I'd rather just stick to the basics, at least until my account balance stops dropping down. Once it manages to stay level for a month or two, I might allow myself a small reward.:)

hii ^^

[cinziamattia.livejournal.com]

Hi! Scuse me, maybe you know where can I found some photomanipulations made by Lassegalen laire? Maybe :P
Thanx anyway
Bye and merry Xmas ^^

Re: hii ^^

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Check out lassegalen's LJ. It is "friends only", but if you leave a comment asking to be friended, she will most likely respond and give you access. She is very protective of her art, so I don't know if the public website she used to have is still available.

Re: hii ^^

[cinziamattia.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the reply. I hope that Elisa control her LJ again ^^

Re: hii ^^

[cinziamattia.livejournal.com]

Mmm...I think she not control her LJ again...
Well...can you send her manips to me from MSN? I know she dont want it, but I cant contact her...

Re: hii ^^

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

You can leave her a private message at her profile (where it says "Contact" and then "Private Message"). Or try visiting lachlana, which is her other LJ - the one she updates much more regularly these days. If you leave a comment there, I'm sure she won't miss it.

Re: hii ^^

[cinziamattia.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much, you are really too kind!
Merry Christmas dear :)

[taelyn-sass.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I've been there and it hurts. You will rise above, you will. BTW, the long-standing nickname for Whole Foods? Whole Paycheck. Yup.

[edited for incorrect word choice]

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

the long-standing nickname for Whole Foods? Whole Paycheck

Bwahah. How very fitting.:|

Who knows, maybe all I need to do is stop shopping there, and it will fix my budget.;)

Thanks for your kind support. *hugs back*

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

Whole foods can be ridiculous, but there are items worth spending more on. Cheap is all well and good but health matters too.

http://ninaplanck.com/index.php?article=poor_real_food&PHPSESSID=ef276e6ece1106853716863da5e4eed9

I like this author's perspective.

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

Oh, and to add-- I cut food wayyyy down but I still get my amish food once a month (naturally raised meat) and I still buy organic butter and cage free eggs. I won't compromise on those because it has been so beneficial to my health.

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Of course. I'm not planning on going back to junk food anytime soon, thank you very much.;)

I've been pretty good about picking what's good for me other than what I fancy since Weight Watchers. I just haven't been paying much attention to the prices, lol. Now I have to somehow find a balance between the two. And if that means sticking mostly to fruits & vegetables, then so be it. Fortunately for me, I enjoy light, vegetarian meals.:D

Thanks for the link. She has a few very good points in there. *nods*

[aelfwitchfic.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*
Oh sweetie, Im sooo there...

I know how everything is so expensive and this economic hardship is just not helping. I put myself on a budget but even that does not help sometimes. I know what its like to only have x amount for this or that, which is why I havent bought myself anything in ages.

I wanted to say that Im glad that you are writing (saw your post over at legolasaragorn Squeee

Also need to talk to you about next Monday...
;)

*hugs*
Akasha ^V^

[floatingleaf.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie, Im sooo there...

I know. *hugs*

I just feel so bewildered right now, as if someone had torn a blindfold off my face and the bright light is making me flinch. I mean, I shouldn't really be in this situation, should I? I have a full time job, for heaven's sake. *blinks*

What's more, I did have money not so long ago - I just stupidly let it sift through my fingers, because I apparently couldn't be bothered to sit down and do the math. What does that say about me? How old am I?... *bangs head against the wall*

Oh well. Time to grow up fast and furious, it seems.:/ Better late than never, lol.

I'm not really writing much, that was a tiny little ficlet that took me weeks to finish... but who knows, maybe I'll be writing more now that I hardly leave home on weekends to avoid spending money.:P

I'd love to hang out with you guys next Monday. I hope the weather is better than today, though, since it just took me over two hours to get home from work and the thought of driving downtown on a night like this is decidedly unappealing... *shudder*