reality check :|
Dec. 10th, 2008 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafI have a pathetically shameful and a little scary confession to make today. Supposedly I am this mature, clever, organized, responsible and down-to-earth person, right? And yet somehow I managed, for the past two years, to simply ignore the fact that my living expenses are actually HIGHER than my salary. The reason I was physically able to ignore it is because I had savings. Notice the past tense here?... Yep. I somehow managed to bring the contents of my checking account quite a few thousand bucks down while working a full-time job, and never really stop to think about what that means until now. But as of this week, it's finally dawning on me that if my account balance keeps dropping at the current rate, very soon there will be nothing left to fall back on when the paycheck isn't enough.
How did this all happen? I did have a well-paying job once. The one that laid me off back in January'06. I had it for over two years, and during that time I either lived with my parents (not paying rent at all) or rented out a room at a friend's place for a mere $400 a month. So that's how I managed to accumulate around $20,000 in my bank account without any conscious effort on my part. Then I got laid off - but I wasn't too worried about it, because, you know, I had all this money in the bank. I didn't even bother applying for unemployment until weeks later. Then I found this other job which I later had to quit - again, no unemployment benefits, because I chose to quit rather than be terminated (quitting looks better on a resume, and besides, I STILL had all this money in the bank). Then I found my current job, which pays shit, and soon after that decided to rent a place on my own. I somehow mysteriously came to the conclusion that I could afford it, despite my ridiculously low salary. Probably because I had never really developed the habit of monitoring my daily expenses. I had gotten so used to my account balance rising steadily all on its own, I guess I just subconsciously assumed it would start happening again at some point. Yes, I did notice it was actually going down - but I kept telling myself that it's because I had just moved and bought a lot of stuff to furnish the place, and that it will all even out it the end. Well... it didn't. Each time I opened a bank statement or went to the ATM to grab some cash, I had a little less left in there than before - but I was always able to find an explanation. You know, I just had to pay for this/that/some other thing - it will all even out once the next paycheck comes in. See where this is going?... I was in denial, plain and simple. I just couldn't face the possibility of having to either radically cut back on something or look for a new job/new place yet again. Well... seems like it's time to wake up.:/
So here's an early New Year's Resolution: from now on, I will not spend a dime on anything - and I repeat, ANYTHING - than can be qualified as a non-essential. That means no books, no CD's, no DVD's (except for Viggo's films, of course - but he does not qualify as a non-essential ;P), no comics, no new clothes (no matter how sick & tired I am of some of my old, ratty sweaters), no decorative trinkets to throw around the apartment, no useless-junk-just-because-it-was-on-sale etc. NOTHING. Also, from now on I will make an effort to get my groceries only from the cheapest places I know about. No more Whole Foods, dear. Let's face it: a person with a gross annual salary of $22,500 has NO BUSINESS shopping at Whole Foods. What was I thinking?... How delusional can I possibly get? I moved into a lower salary bracket and just kept acting as though nothing ever happened. Shit shit shit. See, I just fail at the whole economic/financial side of life. It overwhelms me. And what do I do if I can't cope with something? Well, I sort of avoid thinking about it. Fucking brilliant, innit? I suppose I get what I deserve. *headdesk*
How did this all happen? I did have a well-paying job once. The one that laid me off back in January'06. I had it for over two years, and during that time I either lived with my parents (not paying rent at all) or rented out a room at a friend's place for a mere $400 a month. So that's how I managed to accumulate around $20,000 in my bank account without any conscious effort on my part. Then I got laid off - but I wasn't too worried about it, because, you know, I had all this money in the bank. I didn't even bother applying for unemployment until weeks later. Then I found this other job which I later had to quit - again, no unemployment benefits, because I chose to quit rather than be terminated (quitting looks better on a resume, and besides, I STILL had all this money in the bank). Then I found my current job, which pays shit, and soon after that decided to rent a place on my own. I somehow mysteriously came to the conclusion that I could afford it, despite my ridiculously low salary. Probably because I had never really developed the habit of monitoring my daily expenses. I had gotten so used to my account balance rising steadily all on its own, I guess I just subconsciously assumed it would start happening again at some point. Yes, I did notice it was actually going down - but I kept telling myself that it's because I had just moved and bought a lot of stuff to furnish the place, and that it will all even out it the end. Well... it didn't. Each time I opened a bank statement or went to the ATM to grab some cash, I had a little less left in there than before - but I was always able to find an explanation. You know, I just had to pay for this/that/some other thing - it will all even out once the next paycheck comes in. See where this is going?... I was in denial, plain and simple. I just couldn't face the possibility of having to either radically cut back on something or look for a new job/new place yet again. Well... seems like it's time to wake up.:/
So here's an early New Year's Resolution: from now on, I will not spend a dime on anything - and I repeat, ANYTHING - than can be qualified as a non-essential. That means no books, no CD's, no DVD's (except for Viggo's films, of course - but he does not qualify as a non-essential ;P), no comics, no new clothes (no matter how sick & tired I am of some of my old, ratty sweaters), no decorative trinkets to throw around the apartment, no useless-junk-just-because-it-was-on-sale etc. NOTHING. Also, from now on I will make an effort to get my groceries only from the cheapest places I know about. No more Whole Foods, dear. Let's face it: a person with a gross annual salary of $22,500 has NO BUSINESS shopping at Whole Foods. What was I thinking?... How delusional can I possibly get? I moved into a lower salary bracket and just kept acting as though nothing ever happened. Shit shit shit. See, I just fail at the whole economic/financial side of life. It overwhelms me. And what do I do if I can't cope with something? Well, I sort of avoid thinking about it. Fucking brilliant, innit? I suppose I get what I deserve. *headdesk*
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Date: 2008-12-11 07:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-12-12 04:52 am (UTC)