Floating Leaf

Another week hurtled by like a blazing comet.;) The highlights? OK, let's see...

1) The strange and mysterious ways of a menstrual cycle past the age of 40. If you can call that a "highlight". *snort* ( possible bit of TMI under the cut )

2) I will be going on a little weekend trip towards the end of May, to visit New York City and a certain lovely person who lives there (do I need to be any more specific?... yes, I mean the only person I keep mentioning here with alarming regularity since last summer, LOL). ( Read more... )

3) Met a friend for dinner on Friday. We hadn't seen each other in many months, so we had plenty of catching up to do. After bringing each other up to date on what's going on in our lives at present, we moved on to other mutual acquaintances - and let's just say I got a little more information than I bargained for, LOL. ( Read more... )

So, March already. Still very much winter outside. *sigh* Still too cold to go traipsing around town, so I amused myself today by cleaning the place and cooking a big pot of stew. Oh, and let's not forget the Skyping. Skyping has very much become a permanent feature of my daily existence. In fact, I am exceedingly proud of myself for having the willpower to end this morning's conversation before it was too late to get anything done. It wasn't easy, let me tell you. My sense of time tends to become strangely suspended while interacting with someone who occupies the same wavelength.;) Introverted as I am, when I detect a kindred soul, I latch onto it with the tenacity of a starving vampire bat. And when the kindred soul in question seems to be doing exactly the same thing, the situation can get a little out of hand (only talked until 1-2 a.m. last night, I swear!). But I am still making an effort to pay some attention to other people occasionally, so there is hope.;P

Btw, our VC community on Dreamwidth is still absolutely teeming with posts and comments; I can barely keep up. I know I am gradually letting LJ fall by the wayside. I will not be offended if anyone removes me from their friends' list due to lack of interaction; though I do hope some people won't.;) There is just too much on my mind right now. I don't even seem to be finding the time for Netflix anymore; I tend to keep the same DVD for 2-3 weeks at least... Another thing that fell by the wayside, months ago, is any sort of physical exercise. *sigh* That really has to change at some point... but there's only so much I can focus on at a time. I do have an obsessive personality, and all things considered, it is really quite fortunate that this manifests itself through fandoms (rather than drugs or alcohol or extreme sports, for example ;P). These obsessions provide me with unbelievable amounts of energy and optimism I would otherwise lack - so I accept them with open arms when they come upon me, and try to go with the flow as best I can until they run their course. It's the best life-affirming philosophy I am capable of, and it has gotten me through a lot. So who am I to complain? :D

It's happened again. I stayed up all night, first Skyping, then unable to sleep due to being too buzzed from the exuberant hilarity of the conversation... then Skyping again, around 3-4 a.m., because, as it turned out, my partner in crime was also still online (not even having attempted to go to bed, I might add). *headdesk* I am definitely too old for this. And yet, it seems to be happening regardless of my plans, moods, opinions, fears or any other considerations. And I seem to be OK with it. Or, you know, my consciousness has been altered to the point where I don't care.:P Who needs drugs? The Crazy People From The Internet (as a friend of mine once put it) are quite enough...;)

The VC fandom is very active, too, and I want to participate in it more. As in, I want to write, not only comment on other people's fic/artwork etc. (however engaging that is) But there's this little voice in my head telling me not to bother, because, 1) most of what HAS been written in this fandom is either quite good or downright outstanding, and how could I ever measure up; and 2) the author officially hates fanfiction, which makes it somewhat illicit, and therefore somewhat risky, if only in theory. And I do not like risks. Perpetuating LOTR slash was so much easier, somehow; of course there were tons of good fic around, but there were also tons of crap, and it seemed like I could place myself above the average without much effort.;) Plus, the author was dead and you didn't have to worry about his potential reaction to what you did with his characters.:P So, I very much want to write, but I am also very tentative about it...

Not to mention I can't really focus on it, anyway, because I'm too busy discussing life and fandom with someone who is too compulsively creative to care about trivial human pursuits like food or sleep.:P Don't get me wrong; I love being the beta reader/chief advisor/captive audience etc. I think it's flattering, and I don't have a competitive bone in my body, so envy isn't really a factor. But I would need a quiet, focused mind to be able to do any writing... and that just doesn't happen of late. I'm on a rollercoaster.;) But then again, if not for said rollercoaster, perhaps I wouldn't even CARE about the potential writing, because I wouldn't be able to convince myself that anyone might want to read it. So it's a bit of a conundrum...

In other news, none of my old Polish friends have added me on Skype so far. I am a bit miffed. Because I clearly haven't been spending enough hours on there already... *facepalm*

Nothing else to report. Work is busy, but not too stressful, weather is crazy, but we're all used to it by now, and I'm PMS-ing, but so far it's just making me manic, not murderous. Early bedtime tonight sounds tempting... but I better not mention that in case I jinx it again...;P

Isn't it frustrating that whenever something happens in your life that is dangerously close to perfection, you feel instantly crushed at the slightest sign of it not being quite as TOTALLY perfect as you think it COULD be?... Never mind that it's much better than what you could have expected at that point... as soon as it actually HAPPENS, it is taken for granted, and suddenly you find yourself deprived of some undeserved rewards. And by you, I mean me. It's pathetic, really. I have a serious problem with positive thinking; one tiny disappointment totally overshadows a MOUNTAIN of shiny, bouncy, exuberant reasons to be happy. At least it does right now. I do hope this will change. I am a mature, reasonable individual after all, and I feel really quite embarrassed about the ridiculous amount of moping I have indulged in today. Talk about a result disproportionate to the cause. I don't even want to get any more specific, because it's just too fucking sad. I am a whiny, selfish, demanding, unbalanced emotional mess. Nobody needs that in their life, so maybe I should just go back to my hermit cave instead of pretending I can handle human interaction...

OK, OK, I'll shut up now. Just a tiny little quote that has stuck with me recently, since we are discussing this particular section of The Vampire Lestat... You have a light in you that's almost blinding. But in me there's only darkness. (...) I try to keep the darkness from you because I need your light. I need it desperately, but you don't need the darkness. This is what Lestat's friend and lover Nicolas says to him at one point, and this is how I feel right now. Enough said, I suppose. Of course, it's a massive exaggeration. I am aware of that on some level. I will crawl back up to the light eventually, I hope. But today I let the darkness embrace me. Who knows, perhaps it's my natural reaction to being unusually happy for extended periods of time.;) In other words, the bubble had to burst at some point. I am just a little stunned at the intensity of this sudden plunge...

Anyway... don't mind me for now. I'll make sure to report back when I am in a better mood. Hopefully soon...

Okay, people... this is just a brief announcement of extreme importance. I have officially entered the 21st century. By which I mean, I now have SKYPE. I spent over an hour this evening on VIDEO CHAT OMG. I can't even believe this, I have always said I hated the idea of video chat, of how awkward it must be, much worse than talking on the phone (which is also awkward for me, as you may know)... But it wasn't, it wasn't awkward at all, it was nearly as good as talking in person, and the sound quality was ten times better than on my stupid phone, which has spotty reception at best... Why, oh why haven't I thought of this before???... O_O

I can now have endless conversations and/or text message exchanges FOR FREE!!! No need to worry about running out of minutes, low battery power or getting hand cramps from hours of typing awkwardly on a tiny phone keyboard... LOL. My life is changed. I can probably even set up Skype chats with some of my old friends across the Atlantic... if I ever find the time to contact them about this, because right now The Vampire Chronicles fandom and its side-effects in the form of MOST INCREDIBLE FRIENDSHIP EVER seem to be taking up all I've got. Not that I'm complaining. I'm just a little dizzy with the wonder of it all... *headshake* ;)

OMG I let the weekend go by without posting. O_O ;) A horrible offense, I know. I'm sure everyone is very upset... *snort*

I've been rather distracted, you see. There's a ton of fandom activity over on Dreamwidth (not to mention Tumblr!), and there's even more texting activity on my phone... LOL. Since burnadette_dpdl's return from her London trip last Monday night, we've texted back and forth every day... except for last Wednesday, which was when she was busy putting up a discussion post on vc_media. I'm afraid it's turning into a compulsion... sometimes one of us would send a random burst of messages even when the other one isn't able to respond at the moment, and then, a few hours later, the replies would start flying in.:) If we both happen to be available at the same time, we tend to pursue several conversation threads simultaneously, running off on tangents and generally having a hard time figuring out how to stop.;) Which leads to massive absent-mindedness and sleep deprivation... among other things.:P Btw, I thought maybe we should take a break tonight... but as it turns out, we aren't.:D

I other news, yesterday was my mom's 70th birthday party.:) We managed to surprise her, because her actual birthday is on the 5th... so she was expecting us the NEXT weekend. My sister made delicious food, and my brother-in-law put up a ton of balloons with funny faces painted on them with colored markers.;) Perfect party décor for a 70-year-old lady, LOL (but she was delighted, so no harm done...;D). They also brought an absolutely heavenly cake from a new European bakery they had recently discovered. So, the day was a big success. I am also quite pleased to say that my period was already over by then... LOL. It had started on Thursday night, which was a bit early - but I had been "feeling it coming" since the beginning of the week. I don't know why the PMS was so bad this time... might have to increase the daily dose of Vitamin B, or something. But anyway... that's all for now, because I've been TEXTING, and now I need to go to bed, pronto. *sigh* :)

Well... guess what? My workplace was also closed today. TWO DAYS in a row due to extreme weather. That probably hasn't happened in the entire history of the company... LOL. Anyway... the other shocking piece of news is that I WAS supposed to report for jury duty. Actually, I found that out first, and was in the process of majorly angsting about it, when I received the message from the office saying that we're still closed. That just put me in a state of massive righteous indignation. I mean, everyone else is getting another bonus day off, and I am supposed to ride halfway across town in "dangerous windchill" conditions? NO FUCKING WAY. I was almost ready to burst into tears about it... so I picked up the phone and called the number provided for "more information", to see if I could somehow get myself out of this. And, as it turns out, the automated message system includes the option to reschedule. All you need to do is input the "juror number" from the summons they sent you, and press a button to "request an extension". Whereupon a recorded voice message informs you that your request has been approved, and you will receive another summons in "approximately 3 months" (or 6, if you happened to choose that particular option). That's it. *blinks in amazement* I am SO GLAD I found the guts to make that call (it was pure desperation more than actual guts, but anyway).

Nevertheless, I had been in so much anxious anticipation for most of the day that I couldn't quite shake it off, despite the sudden relief. In fact, the weirdest thing happened. My mood took an unexpected plunge. It seemed to come out of nowhere, making no sense under the circumstances... which only made it worse, somehow. ( Read more... )

There's a "winter weather advisory" in effect for Chicago right now, according to the Yahoo weather page. "Near blizzard conditions" until tomorrow morning. Good thing I managed to get home before the wind picked up. Yesterday our office actually closed at noon due to heavy snowfall. And it's supposed to get even worse; on Monday, the temperature is supposed to drop down to -16F (-27C). No fucking kidding. Only during the night, I hope, but still... Anyway, today our department head sent out an email saying that whoever makes it to the office on Monday gets free pizza.:)

I am expecting my period to hit any minute... PLEASE PLEASE let it be tomorrow, or Sunday at the latest. I really want the worst of it to be over by next week. Arctic weather is bad enough to deal with by itself... not to mention the fucking jury duty.:/ I just... there's only so much I can handle. *bites nails*

Which only makes me realize how profoundly beneficial it is to interact with people who radiate positive energy. To invite such people into my life and keep them in it. ( Read more... )

I'm still not quite caught up on LJ after the Christmas break. A large part of the blame for that can be safely laid on Tumblr.:) The thing with Tumblr is that it SEEMS easier & faster to scroll through, because there are more images than text... but some people post A LOT. As in, dozens of images per hour. I don't know how on earth they find time for that, but somehow they do, and being the hopeless anal-retentive nerd that I am, I can't help but want to at least glance briefly at everything posted on each blog I follow... and that can take FOREVER. *sigh* (and I only follow 13 blogs, in case you're wondering; I know people who follow hundreds, and I do worry about their sanity, honestly I do... LOL) I admit this may be turning into an addiction problem. Not even kidding, really... *shifty eyes*

Also, I've been texting my usual texting partner.:D Another addiction we share, LOL. We do share quite a few, btw. We should probably go to rehab together. Though that might actually make matters worse. As in, our craziness seems to increase in direct proportion to the amount of time spent discussing it. Or something.

Btw, my sister & brother-in-law are having a small New Year's Eve party at their art studio tomorrow, just like last year, and I am invited - so I will probably pop on over there for a few hours (not too many, since it's f&%#ing FREEZING outside again, and their studio doesn't have central heat; there's just a bunch of small electric heaters scattered here and there over enormous space, and people just tend to huddle around them without taking their coats off...:). I don't anticipate lasting long past midnight, though. Severe winter weather makes me a very sleepy, lethargic, antisocial creature... (unless we're talking about THE INTERNET, of course...:D).

Also, I'm trying not to dwell on that, but work might be stressful again, starting in January... AND, to make matters more interesting, I have jury duty on the 7th.:/ It's standby service, which means I have to call on the day before to see if I actually need to report - so please keep your fingers crossed that I don't. It's a criminal court this time, halfway across town, which I find a little terrifying. I mean, just to get there by public transport might take me up to 2 hours, depending on traffic; and what if they put me on a jury, and I have to go there EVERY DAY for God knows how long?... Ugh. Please no. I've done pretty well so far at not letting it ruin my holidays... but it does hang at the back of my mind like a shroud. *humorless smirk*

OK, that's it for tonight. I'm severely multitasking right now; as in, texting and simultaneously reading stuff on Dreamwidth, LJ AND Tumblr. God have mercy. Something's gotta give, and unfortunately it's this entry. I'll go back through the flist and leave some comments at SOME point in the unspecified near future. Or so I hope... *weary sigh*

The weather is officially bipolar. Rain today, snow tomorrow, Arctic freeze again by Christmas Eve. How exciting. Also, my sister just talked me into spending TWO nights at my parents' house this year, instead of one. She & her husband are heading over there on Monday, and they are bringing The Hobbit DVD. Yes, the first one, which I STILL haven't seen. So we can watch it together. And then, on Christmas Eve, we can sneak out to the local theater to see the second one. If mom goes to bed early, that is - otherwise she might not be willing to let us out of her sight... LOL.

I'm not sure if this is the best idea - staying there for so long, I mean (not The Hobbit - I am rather excited about THAT part, to be honest... though probably not as excited as I SHOULD be, for obvious reasons). I might get moody/irritable due to lack of privacy and easy internet access.:P But then again, maybe not. And if I do, then I will know not to repeat this experiment again... LOL. Besides, I can always text burnadette_dpdl and bitch to her about my family and/or about how miserable I am... which will, of course, make everything better.:P Hey, it totally worked on Thanksgiving (she was the one doing most of the bitching at the time, btw - which would make us even...:D).

Anyway... my eloquence is deserting me. Tumblr has eaten my brain, I think. Yes, it is addicting, and SO damn easy, just scrolling down the page, ogling the pretty, laughing at the silly, nodding at the smart/insightful, shaking your head at the weird etc. Sometimes a picture says a thousand words, and sometimes looking at pictures is so soothing/relaxing when you're too tired to string words together. I know I've always said I prefer text-oriented blogs to image-oriented ones - and I guess I still do, when my mind feels fresh and capable of intellectual interaction. But that isn't always so - and it is hardly ever so on a Friday night, LOL. So I shall leave you now with a link to my Tumblr account - which contains mostly the pretty, plus a little bit of the silly once in a while...

http://somnambulisticdecay.tumblr.com/

Feel free to check it out and/or follow if you happen to be on there. I don't post very often, but it is quite possible I might be spending more time on there in the future than I do on here. Just saying...