Floating Leaf

I've been feeling horribly nostalgic/sentimental lately for some reason. Maybe it's PMS. I don't know. Whatever. Anyway... I spent most of last night googling the names of pretty much every old friend from Poland I could think of. And, to my delighted surprise, I actually found some info on more people than I expected. For example, my favorite travel agent, who took me on two wonderful trips to Greece back in the nineties (and whom I later accidentally met at a gay bar :), is still in business, as confirmed by his brand new website with a photo and a contact email I can use to remind him of my existence. Same goes for a friend from university, the nicest of the three guys in my group, also accidentally met later at a gay bar (do you sense a pattern here?... LOL). He is now a doctor, and writes serious scientific publications about the methodology of teaching and foreign language acquisition. While another very academic and cosmopolitan friend, female this time (and, accidentally, an ex of an ex :P), who has lived and studied all over Europe, seems now, to my utter amazement, to be teaching German in... Kazakhstan (!!!). Oh well. It's a small world, after all.

But back to the point. So, for a second there, I was completely overjoyed at the prospect of using the contact info I found and getting in touch with those people again. But then came a moment of reflection and trying to figure out what I would actually tell them, should they respond and ask about my life. You know, I've been single for the past four or five years, I live alone, have a stupid, undemanding office job that barely pays my bills, and spend a lot of time online... and, well, basically that's it. And they'd be like: So, ummm, that's what you left your country, all your friends, your romantic partner and your most favorite city in the world for???...Oh. Because no matter how happy I might be in my beautiful fantasy world at any given moment, the real, factual side of my current existence would still sound unutterably pathetic to anyone who hasn't heard from me in years. Especially if it happens to be someone who has actually done something productive/admirable with their life. So maybe I should just shove my sentimental urges back where they came from and leave those people alone. They probably have better uses for their time than trying to revive a long-dead friendship that was never very close in the first place. And let's not even go into how desperately lonely I would seem to them, just for contacting them randomly like that, after years of silence. I would probably just creep them out.:|

I wonder what a shrink would tell me about this whole issue. Or maybe I know. Maybe that's why I have such mixed feelings about it. Maybe I AM desperately lonely and just keep on clinging pathetically to the past. Yes, there is the beautiful online world of fantasy and fandom and unexpected human connections - but, to be perfectly honest, right now it's ALL I have. Take that away, and I am nothing. That's why I'm so scared of computer/internet problems. And in case anyone should wonder, I didn't even HAVE internet access back in Poland. I might have visited an internet cafe for an hour or two, once or twice a week. For the rest of the time, I actually socialized, talked, interacted with REAL people. Whom I now miss, even if all we ever did was chat casually at a gay bar. So there. Do with it what you will, Mr.Freud.;)

Don't I somehow seem to be contradicting myself a lot lately?... *frowns* Oh well. Must be the PMS. Or the fitful, uneasy sleep for the last couple nights. Speaking of which - it's bedtime again. Too soon, as usual.:/

Snagged from stormatdusk:

Comment and I'll--
1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with something. A fandom, a song, a colour, a piece of fruit. SOMETHING.
3 - Tell you something I like about you.
4 - Tell you a memory I have of you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. (Or else I'll just ask a random question. I reserve that right.)
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8 - In return, you must spread this disease in your LJ.

So we had this meeting recently at work, where the boss showed us how to use this new fancy "employee absence tracker" computer program, and while we talked about that, it was brought to my attention that we have TEN sick days, as well as TEN vacation days and THREE personal days off available to use each year. Yes, even if it's the first year of employment (of course, those who have worked significantly longer have even more). I have to say that's more than I ever heard of at any other workplace. My best-paying job (the one that seemed so grand until they laid me off with no warning) offered 8 sickies, one personal day and about five days' vacation at the end of the first year - which I didn't use then, but waited till about the middle of the second year, so that I could take ten days off at a time. Now I have barely started, and I can already go on a two-week vacation this very summer (not that I have any plans what to do with that as of right now - but still, it's nice to know). As for the sickies, I would never use that many if I dutifully waited till I got really sick - so I took one today.:P I mean, I have my period, and I pretty much felt like shit this morning, so it wasn't completely unmotivated; but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before, and I could have gritted my teeth and gone to work, if I had to. Except I didn't.:D I mean, why sit there all day with an aching gut, if I can stay home, stretched out comfortably on my new, beautiful sofa bed, with a new, beautiful Viggorli fanzine for company, and still get paid??? A moot question, I guess.:P

Yes, my copy of the new fanzine is already in my possession; has been for some time (in fact, it arrived about two days after I ordered it, which is pretty amazing), but I have barely started on it. I mean to savor it slowly and deliciously over the next few weeks (so far, the two stories that hit me the most were the ones by rainweaver13 and namarie120 - but that is no surprise whatsoever, since these two talented ladies usually score very high with me ;P). After all, there were also about 30 new A/L treats over at the ficathon. I feel pretty much gorged on tasty slash right now.:D

( As for less pleasant topics... )

EDIT: I just ran a spell check on this post, which I hardly ever do - and here are some replacements it suggested for "Viggorli": Wiggle, Giggle, Jiggle, Gigolo and - lo and behold! - Viagra. *sporfle* Oh, the endless creativity of Microsoft.:D If I didn't know better, I could almost take it as a deliberate insult to my OTP. *shakes head, giggling helplessly, and goes back to regularly scheduled porn ;)*

So... I finally found the time to see a movie that Blockbuster Online sent me sometime about the middle of February.:) And it floored me. I mean, really. It's one of those independent European movies no-one's ever heard about - Danish, btw.;) After reading the blurb online I was somewhat curious about it, but didn't really expect it to be that good. Apparently I have developed a knack for fishing out the really good ones. Anyway... it's called Pretty Boy, and tells the story of a 13-year old who runs away from home and falls in with the 'bad crowd', so to speak. ( A very subtle study of a wide-eyed innocence falling prey to the evil world. )

OK. That's it for now. Bedtime again.:/

Oh, and on a side note, I have just ordered the new Viggorli zine.:) And I did vote for Slashy Oscars - and am very happy that some of my favorite stories won. I am also very excited about the upcoming A/L ficathon. Just a side note, in case anyone wondered whether I had forgotten that there is FANDOM out there.:P

Happy St.Patrick's Day to all the Paddies out there! :) I do have a soft spot for all things Irish. It's a long story, and I'll save it for another time, but just like I know I must have been Greek in a past life, I suspect I might have been Irish too.:D

I straightened up the place a bit today after all the unpacking/organizing madness, and tried out my brand-new vaccum cleaner (very small, and probably the cheapest model I could find; but I figure it's going to work just fine for a tiny apartment like this). Then I put some nice-smelling tealight candles into my brand-new stylish candleholder with lovely amber-tinted shades, and some atmospheric Celtic music into the player. So I'm feeling very ambient right now.:P

The radiators are going full blast, like they want to fry me alive; I have windows open and the humidifier on, and still I'm hot. *fans self* But I'm not going to complain, because I'm one of those cold-blooded people who'd much, much rather be a bit too warm than too chilly. *knocks on wood*

( As for the Yahoo problem... )

Almost unpacked. Put away most of the clutter, threw out most of the garbage... now just playing around, rearranging stuff to make it look nicer.:) Still need a couple things - like a rug and a bedside lamp, and possibly another bookcase - but they can wait. The place is pretty comfy as it is. My new desk is beautiful. The sofa bed seems gigantic after the twin mattress I used to sleep on at the old place, and I love my new fluffy quilt from IKEA. The radiators are heating up a storm (well, not tonight, since it's surprisingly warm outside, but up until yesterday they were), making the air very dry; but I'm fine, because my thoughtful Dad bought me a humidifier.:) Which also happens to be very useful for another reason: its steady hum drowns out all the strange noises that an old building like this makes during the night (the clunking and creepy sighing of the radiators, the creaking hardwood floors, the rattling window panes etc.). Other than those, hardly any sounds reach me up here; I only hear the neighbors when they open or close their front door (and occasionally in the bathroom through the pipes ;). The street is surprisingly quiet. As for parking, it's not as bad as I feared; there's always an empty spot or two, if not right next to the building, then about three minutes' walk from it. I also noticed that people don't tend to park too close to each other - which means I can actually squeeze in, most of the time, even if I end up standing a good half a meter from the curb (yes, me and my paralell parking skills... *sigh*). Anyway, no major trouble so far, of which I am very glad. And I have about five grocery stores/pharmacies on my way from work - so no need to make detours if I need to shop. But enough mindless ramble for now; it's bedtime.:(

I swear I will write SOMETHING on a different topic one of these days; believe me, I will. *sigh*

Just a brief check-in to let everyone who might care know that my move is now completed. Which means I already live at the new address (since Saturday afternoon, to be precise). I still have some boxes to unpack, but my new furniture has been assembled (bless my poor old Dad, who spent many long hours working on it... lol) and the place is already starting to look like a home. I am still kinda dazed and giddy with the freedom of living on my own... as well as physically and mentally tired, distracted, preoccupied etc.etc.etc. So my posting might be rather erratic, until I get into some sort of domestic routine again.

One thing I need to mention now, though, is that the move and the subsequent change of internet service provider caused a nasty, annoying problem. Namely, I don't have access to my Yahoo mail. The only reason for that I can think of is that AT&T hates me now, after I have switched to Comcast, and just brutally kicked me out, instead of letting me keep the free Yahoo mail account I used to have before I signed up for DSL. As of right now, according to them my account does not exist, my information doesn't match their records, my pasword is invalid etc.etc.etc. I have emailed customer service, and they're supposed to get back to me, but heaven only knows when that might happen. So, if anyone has sent me birthday wishes, or anything else, via email since last Saturday afternoon - I haven't seen it. Possibly never will.:( Not to mention all the unread fiction and private correspondence I kept in there. *sigh* It was my main email account - the only one I actively used. I do have an alternate email address, on msn, but I'm not too fond of it, because it happens to contain my full real name (my father set up that account for me, and it didn't occur to him I might not like the non-inventive username... lol). But, if anyone needs to contact me in private, please drop a comment here and I will give you that address. As for a Comcast email account, I don't have one yet either, because the guy who performed my installation didn't tell me what my username or password was, and I haven't managed to set up a mailbox without providing one that matches their records.:/ It seems I need their customer service's help as well. *gnashes teeth* Anyway... I am not ignoring any emails/Yahoo!Group posts on purpose - I just don't have access to them. That is all the news I have the time and energy to share right now. Take care, dear flist, and good night.

So. Time for another update. I've been insanely busy for the last few days, but now it seems I can finally slow down a bit. At least until next weekend.:P

( Here is what I accomplished so far: )

Yes, I know I have done this before. Twice, actually.:) But I saw a new version on gairid's LJ and just couldn't resist. *bites thumb*

( My Interests Collage! )

( Read more... )

In other news, it's been snowing since last night and we're having a proper winter wonderland here. *snicker* My workplace actually closed early today (3 p.m.) because of the weather. And the only reason I didn't have another skidding incident on the way there or back is because I drove about 10 mph. Yes, I was probably the slowest car on the road - but I had learned the hard way that my threadbare tires and snow don't go well together.:/

So now I'm sitting here peeking out the window at the swirling whiteness and crossing my fingers that it doesn't get worse by tomorrow morning (or if it does, that the office remains closed :P). Not to mention the fact that I REALLY, REALLY want this madness to stop by Friday, since it would completely ruin my furniture-shopping plans. *tears hair out*

So today my roommate tells me very solemnly that she is considering selling the apartment and will have some realtor over to take a look at it this weekend. So I chuckle to myself and tell her that I am moving out in March. And she says: "Oh... okay", sounding relieved. And that's that.

And to think I was actually nervous about telling her. *massive headshake*

So yeah. One less thing to worry about.;D

That's all I have to say for the moment. Good night.:)