There is a raging blizzard outside. It's supposed to keep raging throughout the Midwest until tomorrow afternoon, at least. My workplace closed early today, and they have already sent out a voicemail to all employees anouncing that it will also be closed tomorrow. Now, this is no small potatoes. Our office is never closed. The lady who retired last year told me once that in all 30+ years she had worked there, this happened maybe once or twice. So I am still in a state of mild shock over this... lol. As well as IMMENSELY relieved that I DO NOT have to go outside tomorrow. My windows are rattling something fierce right now. I took public transportation to work today, because the thought of driving in a blizzard was giving me hives - and let me just tell you that the commute back home wasn't fun. If I were just a few pounds lighter, I might have accidentally learned to fly on my way from the bus stop.;) But I think I made it before the worst of the storm. There's not a living soul to be seen outside by now. I think pretty much all the schools/businesses in the area will be closed tomorrow - including the O'Hare airport (I know, because a coworker's husband works there). I'm not sure about grocery stores - but luckily I don't have to visit one until next weekend. The one thing I'm worried about is a possible power outage - but my heating is not electric, so even if I do lose power, at least I will not freeze to death (there is a major Arctic front expected tomorrow, in addition to the storm). Which is definitely a comforting thought. *shivers*

Now, the question is whether I will be able to use my car on Thursday morning. It's out there on the street, covered in snow, and will most likely be a frozen little pile of junk metal by then. Not that I necessarily want to be driving it on icy roads either - but if it doesn't start/gets stuck in the snow etc., I will have a problem. God, I so want that car off my hands, I can't even. *sigh*

Anyway... since I'm here and my internet is still working (yay!), I might just as well do another installment of the nearly-forgotten 30-day meme.:)

( Day 06 - Your day, in great detail )

Incredibly enough, I've had a really high response rate to my email blast so far. I've also found a lot of new rate information online. Which means I will only need to call five papers, at the most. Hopefully fewer, if any of those remaining five get back to me by Wednesday. I can handle that, probably. Which doesn't mean I will not be a nervous wreck - just that I might manage to keep a lid on it for my coworkers' benefit. *sigh*

Also, there will be overtime next week. Up to 10 hours for everyone on my team. Since I need extra cash pretty badly, I SHOULD be taking as many extra hours as I am being offered. The thing is, I can't do 10 extra hours unless I start earlier than usual in the morning, because we are not allowed to stay in the building past 6 p.m. And on Saturdays we have to vacate the premises by 2 p.m. So if I start at 9 a.m., I can put in 7 extra hours at the most (well, 7.5, assuming I am never late - which is a very unrealistic assumption, I have to admit). So, should I attempt to drag my ass out of bed earlier just to make the additional thirty bucks per week or so, after taxes and shit and stuff?... Or should I just say fuck it? ( Read more... )

So, I called in sick on Tuesday, and I said I was down with a bad cold. That's what I usually say when I have to call in sick on the first workday after a weekend. It's a likely scenario, especially during the winter, and therefore believable. ( Read more... )

I thought I had so much to post about... but there is actually such a whirling chaos of conflicting thoughts and emotions going on in my head these days that I can't possibly put words to it. And I don't have the time to indulge in the luxury of slow, careful introspection that would allow me to sort it all out. In fact, I am avoiding too much introspection. I am trying to be very practical and Get Stuff Done. Which isn't accomplishing all that much, to be honest - but at least it's keeping me from rocking in the chair and staring blindly at the wall. Or possibly asking the one unavoidable question: Why Bother?... Because big questions like that are truly dangerous. They can put your brain on overdrive and make you forget all about the practical stuff, which still needs getting done. And as long as we still care about that - or pretend that we do - everything is more or less fine with the universe, right? Right?

Because I need a break from the constant mental angst, and because I simply REFUSE to worry about practical/money-related stuff after 10 p.m., here's a fic rec for you. I would have mentioned it sooner if RL hadn't gotten in the way... but for the past week or so I've felt like I wasn't even able to appreciate it fully, let alone convey my appreciation to the author or anyone else. I need to read it again - several times, probably - when my mind is calmer and less focused on debilitating trivialities of life... but in the meantime, I give you the link to judge for yourselves. dissonant_dream, we've been talking about this. Our fantasy of Aragorn going to Valinor has been fulfilled. And it's been done in a breathtakingly beautiful way. Keep a good supply of tissues at hand.;)

http://geale01.livejournal.com/29312.html

I never figured out all this html stuff about placing a link under a word etc., but the title of the story is Grace, and it was written by geale01. If you know me, you know the pairing.;)

I've been in a pretty dark mental space for the past few days. I just don't see much reason for cheerfulness, try as I might. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of some shitty period in my life and everything will basically go downhill from here. The fact that my mother called and we had a serious conversation about the FUTURE might have something to do with that. She has an uncanny way of making everything look absolutely BLEAK. Or maybe it's just a way of making me FACE REALITY, which I am otherwise pretty reluctant to do.

I wonder if that's what depression feels like. When you sort of trudge through your day, but don't really see much point. And if you happen upon something that would normally make you jump up & down in glee, you just go: Damn, I WISH I could enjoy it!... And you feel exhausted all the time, but can't really sleep very well. And when someone (like an annoyingly happy coworker) tells you to cheer up and "live a little", you just want to punch them in the face.:/

Also, I am apparently about to start looking for a part-time weekend job. According to my mother, anyway. I told her I would think about it. I could certainly use some extra money (or, to be precise, ANY money, since the word "extra" seems to imply you have some already in the first place, doesn't it?...). But this is ridiculous. I mean, I shouldn't have to work two jobs. I am single, and I don't have an army of kids to feed. Or even a cat/dog/hamster/whatever. I don't even WANT a damn car anymore, OKAY?... I just want some time to myself after I've put in my 40 hours at the office, and some peace and quiet. Which is, apparently, a privilege I can no longer afford. Fuck this land of fucking opportunity and everything that's fucked up about it. Fuck the Wall Street bankers, the moronic, gun-toting, Bible-thumping "patriots" and "health" insurance companies who would happily rip the last shirt off the back of a homeless guy dying in a ditch. It's all some sort of dark comedy, and so is my life, and it's just not funny anymore. Not fucking funny at all. Why bother? I will probably only end up homeless/mentally ill at some point anyway. Why wait till it happens?... Seriously... why?

*curls up in a ball*

Excuse my shit, but it needed to get out. End of transmission. Good night.

So here it is. The new year, I mean. I find myself strangely unmoved by its arrival. Not that I was in a celebratory mood, anyway. I sort of went through the motions, by which I mean I just had two glasses of wine and some ice-cream, and watched some old A/L fanvids on YouTube. As well as lighted a few scented candles earlier tonight. Very festive, I know. But that's about as much effort as I was willing to put into celebrating something I'm not even sure is worth celebrating. I couldn't muster the energy to call anyone, because, obviously, they would want to know my latest news, and that's not really something I want to talk about. If anyone calls tomorrow, I might pick up the phone... maybe. But tonight I just wanted to be quiet and pretend that everything is perfectly fine. So I listened to Marc Almond and uploaded more pretty icons, and ate sushi, and drank wine (deliciously sweet Barefoot Moscato from California, btw; much better than champagne, if you ask me). And now I think I'll go to bed. Hope everyone had a great time celebrating, and is feeling more enthusiastic about 2011 than I am at the moment. Peace and joy to all. *yawn*

I just got summoned for jury duty.:/ I mean, really? I've only been a citizen for two years, and they got me already?... I haven't even registered to vote, hoping that it might reduce the likelihood of being picked too soon. Well, it looks like I might just as well start voting now, for all the good it's going to do. I'm in the system anyway.:/

It came in my old name, btw - but I don't suppose I could pretend it's not really for me, could I? Technically, there is no US citizen of that name, because my citizenship certificate bears the new one. But I'd rather show up and explain the situation than risk getting a fine for disregarding the summons, I think.

The letter says to be prepared to stay at the courthouse for 7 hours at least, and to bring change for vending machines. ( Read more... )

Anyone still remember that? It went around a few months ago. I don't know anyone who actually finished the whole thing... but I totally will. Like, in another year or so.:P Maybe. Anyway... because I am sluggish from TOO MUCH FOOD and have nothing relevant to say otherwise, I offer you the next installment.:)

( Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail )

So, we had this other holiday party at work today, and then they let us go home early. Oh, and the boss gave each one of us a nice bracelet with a South American design that she had bought during her trip to the Caribbean. Each one of us women, that is. Mike (the only guy on the team) got a pair of gloves instead.:)

I have pretty much finalized my Christmas shopping - and while I was at Barnes & Noble last weekend, I couldn't resist a beautifully packaged CD of traditional Irish music performed by Loreena McKennitt (The Wind That Shakes the Barley). I love Loreena. She has such amazing feel for traditional music, and for mixing traditional elements into her own compositions. And then there's her voice. Pure magic.:)

So that's my "holiday music" this year (or every year, for that matter). Loreena McKennitt. Enya. Folk songs/traditional carols from various places around the globe. Not the crap they play at most American retail stores, thank you very much.:P

As for holiday decorations, I got me a bunch of lovely new winter-themed icons. *points at the top of the post* Found at roxicons. That girl makes some truly gorgeous stuff, let me tell you. I am severely tempted to purchase extra icon space, just so I could upload more of her pretties.

Speaking of purchases, though... looks like I won't be getting my new PC until after the holidays. ( My bank account balance simply isn't high enough at the moment. )