So, I should probably attempt some sort of progress report on my strange little cinematic "staycation"... but my mind is all over the place. As usual, the more I have to say, the more I struggle to make a journal entry. *sigh* Maybe I should give up entirely on trying to describe my life, and just LIVE it instead?...

We did see that old Polish movie with Adriana on Saturday. We both had a blast. And today I watched the latest film by Ferzan Ozpetek. Which wasn't as good as I expected. I mean, it was very good, but my expectations when it comes to Ozpetek are ridiculously high, based on his previous works of pure genius... and so I am a little disappointed. Still, it was nice to "meet" him in person.;)

Somehow, I thought I was going to get SOOO much done this week... but I can see already that I overestimated my organizational skills. I can be productive at home if I am not planning on going out; but when I know I have to leave at a certain time, I tend to get anxious about starting a project I might not be able to finish. I have always found it hard to estimate correctly how long something might take me; it seems to depend on so many factors outside my control. So I absolutely hate giving myself "deadlines"... but I also hate leaving things unfinished. This results in simply abandoning certain tasks... or in being late for appointments... or in having to suddenly dash about in terrible anxiety, because I don't WANT to be late, but have no fucking clue how the time got to be what it is.:/ (and if I REALLY don't want to be late, I sometimes end up being way too early... which is also frustrating) Anyway... my idea of a good, relaxing vacation shouldn't probably include having to get halfway across town (via public transit, no less) by a specific hour every day. But I only do this once a year, and so I tend to forget how exhausting it is... until the next time. *sigh*

Looks like Two Faces of January isn't playing yet this weekend, since we couldn't find showtimes for it anywhere. Which is just as well, considering I feel pretty crappy due to some sort of seasonal affliction. Nothing serious, I think - just the usual clogged sinuses, headache and fatigue. Last night I pretty much crashed around 9 p.m.... and all I managed to accomplish today was take a bath and go out for groceries. EXHAUSTING. I foresee early bedtime again...

I am off on Monday to see my chiropractor, because I missed the appointment last weekend (the bus didn't show up! again!), and would otherwise have to wait another three weeks (UNTHINKABLE). So maybe she can do some magic acupuncture trick to strengthen my immune system... and at any rate, I have an extra day to just lay around and take it easy and hopefully recover from this stupid cold (or whatever it is).

And now I am going to get horizontal and lose myself in a book. Or fall asleep... whichever happens first, LOL. *collapses*

You know how YouTube would "suggest" similar videos to the ones you're watching? Even if they're not really similar? In this case, there was one feature in common: the song was in French.:) I clicked on the pretty girl out of pure, shallow curiosity... and boom. Her voice pierced my insides with inconsolable longing.;) She sounds almost too angelic, too perfect, to the point where it borders on the saccharine... almost. But not quite. Or it doesn't quite cross that line for me, at any rate. You're welcome to judge for yourselves:



Wikipedia says she's a French singer, born in Paris, but of Algerian, Indian, Cambodian AND Egyptian descent. Ooookay. Sounds pretty uncommon - which is right up my alley. I just downloaded the full album (which appears to be her first one) from Soundike.com for $1.20. And it's all enchanting. They classify her as "Oriental pop" or "R&B", which sort of fits in places - but for the most part, I would say she's a French version of Enya.:) Which, from me, is a compliment.

Don't mind me, btw. I frequently self-medicate with music. I seem to be going through a French phase at the moment. It may or may not be coincidental. And just because I gush over something like a giddy schoolgirl, I am not automatically happy - but I am coping, and that is good enough for now.

So, I spent most of yesterday with the two friends mentioned in one of my recent posts, playing tourists in our own city. First we went to the Art Institute of Chicago, for the Magritte exhibition. I hadn't been to the Art Institute since 2006, so I took my time revisiting the permanent exhibits as well. There is a ton of interesting stuff to see in that place. We were there for a good few hours... Then we had late lunch/early dinner at the famous Exchequer Restaurant, which is nearby. After that, we strolled towards Lake Michigan and settled ourselves on the waterfront to wait for the 4th of July fireworks display. Which wasn't as grand as we expected, but still... I had never actually been to the official Navy Pier 4th of July fireworks, so there goes one item to check off the list of obligatory things to do in Chicago.;) After the show we all needed to use the loo, and there were no public restrooms nearby... so we went to the Miller Pub (another famous Chicago landmark) for desserts. I had an obscenely giant piece of tiramisu (which both my friends were happy to help me conquer, LOL) - and Agnes had a shot of cinnamon-flavored whiskey, which we also shared (it went perfectly well with the cake, I might add). By the time I got home, it was well past midnight...

I do hope we are going to get together more often in the near future. It feels good to hang out with people who pretty much take you as you are, with no veiled judgments or unrealistic expectations. Yes, we are all middle-aged women with various silly quirks and a lot of baggage. We are far from perfect and we know it - but we respect one another. No ego trips, power games or high drama acts in sight. What you see is what you get, from each of us. I always appreciated that, I think... but now I appreciate it more. For reasons, as some people like to say. *wry smirk*

Oh, and my friend Adriana introduced me to this awesome singer/songwriter/performer from Belgium - Stromae. He sounds like a modern, gender-fluid version of Jacques Brel. Simply delectable:

I got my period the other day. About two-and-a-half weeks after the last one. Which is a new record, I think. Of course, I have a pretty good idea what threw my cycle out of whack. Emotional distress is one of typical big factors, after all. Every once in a while, even when my brain thinks I'm perfectly OK, my body seems to believe otherwise - but this time they were clearly in agreement.:/

Well... at least it's mild. No horrible cramps or debilitating headache. No heavy bleeding, either. Just the usual grumpiness and fatigue. But I'm pretty sure the only reason it's so mild is because it's "out of schedule"...

I do realize I have barely commented on anyone else's posts in the past few weeks. And I no longer have the usual excuse of being busy with fandom and Skype... but, paradoxically, the very lack of said excuse has made me extremely reluctant to engage in any sort of human interaction. ( Read more... )

Anyway... what I was trying to say (before I got derailed by my incurable tendency towards pointless navel-gazing, AGAIN) was that I will eventually get back to my previous routine of LJ-interactions. And for those few people who have been supportive - please rest assured that I do read your posts, and that your presence here is a comfort to me, even if I don't always make the effort to say so. You know who you are.:)

Btw, I am still in a sort of split-personality state about the VC fandom. A part of me will always enjoy reading fanfic and fantasizing about the characters... but another part of me feels too heartsick to ever go back to "hanging out" with other fans as though nothing ever changed. Because, to me, EVERYTHING changed. ( Read more... )

Again, I was going somewhere with this, and that was to say that I am trying to "branch out" into other fandoms, where I can meet new people and interact without "baggage". The problem is, most popular fandoms these days seem to be TV-related... and I don't watch TV. Perhaps I should start to - pick a good show that is available on Netflix (I don't have regular TV or cable service - can totally do without paying the bill), then find the online "hangouts" of its fans?... Any recommendations?... Game of Thrones?... I do tend to prefer fantasy/period stuff to modern stuff - so that is why I thought of that. But then again, I read on some feminist blog that most female characters in GoT either get raped or threatened with rape at some point - and that just made me gag. So I really don't know...

Btw, I wonder if there are any active online communities where people discuss good movies - as in, real cinematic art from all over the planet (anywhere BUT Hollywood, basically... LOL). I haven't been able to find any on either LJ or Dreamwidth - but perhaps there are other places I am unaware of?... Good cinema is like a whole another fandom for me - one that can never be fully explored, because it keeps expanding in all directions. I am dying to discuss films with people - but often just finding someone who has heard of, let alone seen, some of my favorites appears to be too much of a challenge. It's all about the big Dream Factory of cookie-cutter crap these days...

Well... that will be it for the moment. Any advice welcome as to how I can find new human connections, in order to distract myself from my inevitable failures at... human connections. Right. That made sense, obviously. *sigh*

I'm back. It's been an intense trip, for several reasons, and I'm sort of having a hard time figuring out what to say about it. I could just focus on the positives - but that wouldn't feel entirely honest, and this journal has always been THE place where I could be honest about pretty much anything. I don't want that to change. But I don't want to sound negative either - that would be unfair, and also dishonest, in a way. And I don't want to sound ridiculously cryptic - because if I'm gonna do that, I might just as well not post at all.

Maybe I need some time to sort through all those conflicting emotions before I even attempt a recap. Or maybe it's enough to say that online compatibility isn't quite the same thing as "real life" compatibility, and some friendships function better without crossing that line. Or perhaps the ease of online interactions has the unfortunate side effect of raising the bar impossibly high when it comes to our expectations of RL encounters. Even when we think we're being realistic.

See, that sounded negative. But I can't make a happy post just now. I probably can't even make a fair, objective one, because I am engaging a considerable effort of will in order to keep my mood from a massive downward plunge. I am sure the crisis will pass eventually, like others did before it. But I need time to adjust to these new perceptions, and I think I'd rather stay quiet on here for a bit than put the precarious emotional balance in peril by wallowing in it. Time will tell if I am overreacting again, I suppose...

I called in sick today. My period is relatively mild this time, all things considered - but still, I felt very sluggish in the morning and couldn't quite make myself get up... plus, there isn't much of anything going on at work right now, so I have zero guilt about taking a day to chill out.:P

And, since I have been neglecting LJ of late, I'm going to use the extra time to start another meme.:) Another 30-day meme, actually. It's a bit different from the one I finished recently. Some questions are similar - so I will skip those. Anyway... here's the full list of topics (stolen, this time, from goddessofchaos):

( ANOTHER 30-day meme, for God's sake! )

Didn't do much last Monday, after all, because I did end up having a bit of an upset stomach.:/ Some of the Easter leftovers I had brought from home weren't very fresh by the time I ate them, I suppose (I hardly ever eat ham or bacon these days, for example; so when my mom forces it on me, I tend to forget how quickly it can go bad and make you sick... because most of the stuff I do eat regularly - like cheese - keeps in the fridge forever... *sigh*). I wasn't in a lot of pain, just weak & queasy and unable to stand the thought of food for a good few hours. So I spent half the day in a horizontal position, reading and dozing and drinking lots of water to flush the bad stuff out of my system. I actually lost a pound or two as a result of this, because I didn't feel like eating much the following day, either. So perhaps that's the way to deal with holiday pigouts: eat stuff that's so bad for you it actually makes your body revolt and get rid of all the extra calories in a hurry.;P

This weekend was definitely more productive, though. In addition to the regular grocery shopping & cooking, I also managed to clean the place - as well as go to the movies.:) So I did finally see Only Lovers Left Alive. And I loved it. It's a quiet, introspective film with an unforgettable atmosphere... plus deliciously quirky humor and tons of cultural references, some of which I unfortunately didn't get (I want to see it again, with subtitles, since I missed some of the dialog due to Tom Hiddleston's & Tilda Swinton's posh British accents...;). And since it's a film about vampires for the intelligent viewer, it has some obvious parallels to another smart and artistically ambitious film about vampires.:) But I won't go into more detail here; those observations are better saved for a stimulating thought exchange with burnadette_dpdl... ;>

Oh, and I did create that AO3 account (under the unsurprising name of FloatingLeaf :). Haven't managed to upload much into it so far, though. It is time-consuming - even posting a drabble requires some work with all the coding, tagging, rating and stuff. But I am thrilled to be on there, and I will slowly but surely add most of my "literary output".:P Now, however, it is definitely time for bed... *sigh*

I just realized I never finished my 30-day-meme - the one I've been doing, on and off, since 2010 - and there is only ONE topic left to finish it, and it just so happens that the topic fits with something I felt like sharing anyway. So, in the vein of happy coincidences, there you go.

( Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail )

On an unrelated note (or perhaps not really), I have been rediscovering one of my favorite bands. The Waterboys. I just realized I only had an old, creaky cassette tape with some tracks from that legendary first album, Fisherman's Blues. So I looked them up on my fave download site (Soundike.com), and found a few gorgeous songs I had never heard before. Including this one:



I have a feeling a few people on my flist might really love it.:D

And another one - a live performance this time, because it's amazingly vibrant in this particular clip:



The sensual and the spiritual, combined. The very essence of the universe. I must be attracting some incredibly good energies lately for some reason...;)

Another weekend. Weather still cold. *sigh* But there is a change in the air, and the sun doesn't set till around 7 p.m.... so spring MUST be coming. It better be. SOON. *glares*

Didn't do anything out of the ordinary... but there has been much Skyping, as well as a little bit of insomnia and some amateurish psychoanalyzing on my part. *snort* ( It would probably sound repetitive if I were to discuss it. )