what am I doing up at this time, anyway?
Mar. 15th, 2010 12:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
floatingleafOkay. Here's a Get-To-Know-Your-F-List meme that I stole from illuins_lair. If you are so inclined, copy the questions below and give me your answers - either in a comment to this post, or in your own journal. Feel free to skip any questions you don't like - I'd rather have just a few answers than none at all.:P
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What eye colour do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favorite and least favorite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
My own answers forilluins_lair are :
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? No. Unless you account for the fact that I am channeling a certain blond elf in my bedtime fantasies - in which case I have a very serious, committed relationship with a certain darkly handsome ranger.;P
02) What was your dream growing up? To not have to grow up at all. (I swear, Marianne, I am not copying your answer - we really are that alike.:D)
03) What talent do you wish you had? Writing. I mean REAL writing - with original characters, plot, the works. I really wish I had that, and I don't.
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? Something sweet and fruity.
05) Favorite vegetable? Red onion, I think. Or garlic, since I toss incredible amounts of it into everything I cook.
06) What was the last book you read? Night's Sorceries by Tanith Lee. Gorgeous stuff. I am totally awed by what this woman does with language.
07) What zodiac sign are you? Pisces. With Virgo rising, and a Gemini moon. Can't you tell? :D
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where. Naaah. I don't enjoy pain.:P
09) Worst habit? Staying up too late, and spending too much time glued to the computer. I keep trying to change that, but... um... you know. *shifty eyes*
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? Sure, doll. But I've got to warn you - my vehicle isn't particularly impressive. You might actually prefer to walk than be seen in such a rusty pile of old metal scraps.:D
11) What is your favorite sport? Sport? What's that? Oh, I like to watch figure skating sometimes. Or used to, when I still had access to a TV. Looong ago. *shrug*
12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? That depends on my mood.:P
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Talk about hot elves, 'power bottoms' and all that other fascinating stuff. You know what I mean.:D
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Having to spend an entire week in the company of someone who had just dumped me AND someone I happened to be in love with - while they were having an innocent little fling with each other (more innocent, actually, than I thought at the time, but no one saw fit to inform me of that until much later). And feeling obliged to pretend (very poorly, I'm sure) that I was having a great time - for the sake of kind, clueless strangers whose hospitality we were all utilizing for the duration.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you. I don't own a TV set, and I am not planning on getting one anytime soon.
16) Do you have any pets? No. Unless you count the squirrel family that lives on my windowsill (long story, lol).
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? There would be some high-pitched squeeing, I'm sure.;P
18) What was your first impression of me? A beautiful mind.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Neither. They are annoying.:P
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Strangely enough, I think I would be perfectly happy if my looks simply went back to what they were 10-15 years ago. Except for the boobs - I'd keep those, since I didn't have any back then.:P
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? That would depend on the crime.;)
22) What eye colour do you have? Blue.
23) Ever been arrested? Nope.
24) Bottle or can soda? Neither. Water or tea, please.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Get a new car, before I have to spend another few hundred to fix the old one.:/
26) What's your favorite place to hang out? At home. Where else? *shrug*
27) Do you believe in ghosts? Depending on how you define them, I might.
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Reading. Fiction, fanfiction, blogs, news, social commentary - anything that keeps the brainwheels turning. Reading is like breathing. I couldn't exist without it.
29) Do you swear a lot? No more than the average person, I suppose.
30) Biggest pet peeve? Commercials. Especially ones that flash or start talking to you with no warning. Like I said above, I don't have a TV - but even online commercials have become obnoxious lately, and it really gets on my nerves sometimes. *growls*
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Introspective.
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? Absolutely.
33) Favorite and least favorite food? Favorite? Sushi, I think. Least favorite? I don't know. Possibly that staple of American 'cuisine', The Hamburger - I have never been able to see its appeal.:P
34) Do you believe in God? In a way, yes. Not necessarily under that particular name, though. In other words: in God, yes; in institutionalized religion - certainly not.
illuins_lair. If you are so inclined, copy the questions below and give me your answers - either in a comment to this post, or in your own journal. Feel free to skip any questions you don't like - I'd rather have just a few answers than none at all.:P 01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What eye colour do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favorite and least favorite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
My own answers for
illuins_lair are :01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? No. Unless you account for the fact that I am channeling a certain blond elf in my bedtime fantasies - in which case I have a very serious, committed relationship with a certain darkly handsome ranger.;P
02) What was your dream growing up? To not have to grow up at all. (I swear, Marianne, I am not copying your answer - we really are that alike.:D)
03) What talent do you wish you had? Writing. I mean REAL writing - with original characters, plot, the works. I really wish I had that, and I don't.
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? Something sweet and fruity.
05) Favorite vegetable? Red onion, I think. Or garlic, since I toss incredible amounts of it into everything I cook.
06) What was the last book you read? Night's Sorceries by Tanith Lee. Gorgeous stuff. I am totally awed by what this woman does with language.
07) What zodiac sign are you? Pisces. With Virgo rising, and a Gemini moon. Can't you tell? :D
08) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where. Naaah. I don't enjoy pain.:P
09) Worst habit? Staying up too late, and spending too much time glued to the computer. I keep trying to change that, but... um... you know. *shifty eyes*
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? Sure, doll. But I've got to warn you - my vehicle isn't particularly impressive. You might actually prefer to walk than be seen in such a rusty pile of old metal scraps.:D
11) What is your favorite sport? Sport? What's that? Oh, I like to watch figure skating sometimes. Or used to, when I still had access to a TV. Looong ago. *shrug*
12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? That depends on my mood.:P
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Talk about hot elves, 'power bottoms' and all that other fascinating stuff. You know what I mean.:D
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Having to spend an entire week in the company of someone who had just dumped me AND someone I happened to be in love with - while they were having an innocent little fling with each other (more innocent, actually, than I thought at the time, but no one saw fit to inform me of that until much later). And feeling obliged to pretend (very poorly, I'm sure) that I was having a great time - for the sake of kind, clueless strangers whose hospitality we were all utilizing for the duration.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you. I don't own a TV set, and I am not planning on getting one anytime soon.
16) Do you have any pets? No. Unless you count the squirrel family that lives on my windowsill (long story, lol).
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? There would be some high-pitched squeeing, I'm sure.;P
18) What was your first impression of me? A beautiful mind.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Neither. They are annoying.:P
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Strangely enough, I think I would be perfectly happy if my looks simply went back to what they were 10-15 years ago. Except for the boobs - I'd keep those, since I didn't have any back then.:P
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? That would depend on the crime.;)
22) What eye colour do you have? Blue.
23) Ever been arrested? Nope.
24) Bottle or can soda? Neither. Water or tea, please.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Get a new car, before I have to spend another few hundred to fix the old one.:/
26) What's your favorite place to hang out? At home. Where else? *shrug*
27) Do you believe in ghosts? Depending on how you define them, I might.
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Reading. Fiction, fanfiction, blogs, news, social commentary - anything that keeps the brainwheels turning. Reading is like breathing. I couldn't exist without it.
29) Do you swear a lot? No more than the average person, I suppose.
30) Biggest pet peeve? Commercials. Especially ones that flash or start talking to you with no warning. Like I said above, I don't have a TV - but even online commercials have become obnoxious lately, and it really gets on my nerves sometimes. *growls*
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Introspective.
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? Absolutely.
33) Favorite and least favorite food? Favorite? Sushi, I think. Least favorite? I don't know. Possibly that staple of American 'cuisine', The Hamburger - I have never been able to see its appeal.:P
34) Do you believe in God? In a way, yes. Not necessarily under that particular name, though. In other words: in God, yes; in institutionalized religion - certainly not.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-03 05:00 am (UTC)Oh no no... that's totally not what I meant. What I meant is that my own reaction to your awesomeness scares me a bit. Something seems to be happening that I have no control over, and it makes me feel vulnerable - sort of like in that silly poem I wrote. In other words, it's usually ME scaring someone off because I get more attached to them than they would like.:/
compliments need to be individualized to make sense, right?
OMG yes. You are a wicked seducer, aren't you?...;P
I find Lj the perfect place to be an outlet for basically anything I need to let out or understand myself. And I believe, the more we share with others, the closer people get even if it´s miles and miles between. I find it much easier to share some things here than with RL-friends. And also because I often need to see my own thoughts written to take them in.
YES. Absolutely. Same here. <333
I have to add that what I totally don´t care for is people´s constant FB/Twitter-updating. I never understood that. Like; I don´t actually care that this person is sitting on a bus right now or drinking coffee with a friend or is on the way to a meeting etc. That´s unnecessary info, like the background-sound from a constant tv-show or something.
Holy crap, you just took another dive right into my braincells. I could never fathom the PURPOSE of Twitter, and Facebook annoys the hell out of me. I do have a profile, because I received a few invitations from people I care about - but then trying to keep in touch with someone through FB is actually MORE frustrating than not keeping in touch with them at all, because it just seems so shallow, you know?... Okay, so someone I used to feel very close to no longer has time to write me an email about her thoughts, feelings, what really matters in her life - but I have access to her status updates that tell me she just had a nice glass of wine or whatever. Does it make me feel better about the lack of the deeper connection we once had? Not at all. Worse, in fact. I feel like I'm standing outside her apartment, trying to peek in through the closed windows, because that's all I'm allowed to do. It's humiliating, in a way, and I think I'd rather just find something else to do with my time. *shrug*
the lack of possible f/f-pairings. Do you know any good ones to rec me?
Naaah.:( Strangely enough, I don't really read femslash. I used to read plenty of original lesbian fiction, but that was before I discovered online slash fandoms. I guess m/m was just so much easier to find - plus it was a new fascination for me.;) There isn't much femslash potential in LOTR, if any - I mean, Arwen & Eowyn don't even meet until after the coronation, and Galadriel is Arwen's grandmother, for heaven's sake.:P
Have you seen Born of Hope, btw?
No I haven't! Is it out already??? I remember seeing the website a while ago, but then I sort of forgot to keep track on the project. *gets very intrigued*
Found 2 gorgeous Elgarain/Éowyn-manips yesterday.
OMG... WOW. That was... mmmmm. *loses the power of speech for a moment* Apparently, I need more naked women in my life. *gigglesnort*
*grabs all extra points I can get, just in case I´ll get the lucky number and win the lottery some time*
Hah. It's not like there's a lot of competition right now, you know.;P
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-03 11:00 pm (UTC)Wow.. never thought that of myself..*blushes while imagining that I make you feel seduced*
That´s something to live up to huh! *coughs*
Let´s not even go into how I myself am walking right down that path. *bellybutterflyflutter*
my own reaction to your awesomeness scares me a bit. Something seems to be happening that I have no control over, and it makes me feel vulnerable - sort of like in that silly poem I wrote.
*is totally melted away by your honesty* You have no idea how extremely sexy I find this strength to be vulnerable AND admitting it.. GAH! Weak knees. I has them!! This comment made me fuzzy all day so who is seducing who I wonder?!
Um.. I can´t even try to explain what that poem and other things you wrote in that post made me feel. Except that I didn´t really dared to hope I had anything to do with it.. You being very cryptic, missie! =P
(*stares puzzled at*: I guess I could say it's good I can still surprise myself - but I'm not actually surprised, to be honest. This is so ME it's not even funny anymore - I just kind of managed to convince myself it's never going to happen again, because I'm so WISE and MATURE now and blahblahblah.)
it's usually ME scaring someone off because I get more attached to them than they would like
Oh, but how can someone want certain levels of attachment? Isn´t “attachment” what feelings are for? Actually I´m not sure what else attachment means except attaching people to each other, recognizing souls. Is it better to feel less attached? Maybe I just don´t understand this right.
*breathes*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-04 02:03 am (UTC)OMG where do you FIND all this flaming hot icon stuff???... *salivates*
I told u I´m shameless.. never thought about it in that way.. *headdesk*
It's allright. More than allright, actually. *ahem* Okay, I'll be truthful: it does wonders for my fragile ego. *snort*
I.. *cough* am lately in exquisite fullmoon-poetry!mode and have these last days started editing some erotic poetry I had forgotten about
Yay! *porny-vibe happydance* I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.;P
I might wait a bit until watching the movie anyway, but I feel that I absolutely should see it.
You will not regret it, even if it makes you bawl your eyes out - like it did to someone I know.;)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-04 03:15 am (UTC)I get that feeling every time I hear him speak.:P
and I all the time get distracted by his hands
Oh yeah. *nods*
And you totally quoted my favorite parts. <333
And I adore you. As a matter of fact.
Ha. I knew Viggo was going to do the job.:D *giggles madly*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-04 10:07 am (UTC)SQUEE!!! *HEARTSHEARTSHEARTS* I´m just sayin´… the number of non-twittering*omg!it´s a word!/facebook-people actually feels like a dying breed. That said, it´s also The Awesome finding there are still some sane people left – Hope for humanity! Vive la resistance!!
trying to keep in touch with someone through FB is actually MORE frustrating than not keeping in touch with them at all, because it just seems so shallow / no longer has time to write me an email about her thoughts, feelings, what really matters in her life - but I have access to her status updates that tell me she just had a nice glass of wine /I feel like I'm standing outside her apartment, trying to peek in through the closed windows, because that's all I'm allowed to do.
Yeah. This is what makes me think it´s sooo not worth. Though I understand the good side of finding long-lost friends or for keeping in touch with people that we normally would not be having a frequent contact with - I´m still asking if it´s really to any point at all staying in touch in that way. Perhaps it is rather making people lazy to have an endless stream of, and access to, rather irrelevant info; - instead of making that once-a-year phonecall and actually Talk about something or even make those “oh-yeah-we-should-meet-up-sometime-when-we´re-not-so-busy-and-I´ll-call-you lies” once in a while because hell, what are we really going to do with some 400 friends and all the information-overload THAT must cause. Nah, I´m still resisting the facebook-movement. Partly because I don´t see the point and don´t want to be annoyed by people who I´ve left behind years ago stay in touch with some insignificant classmates for fucks sake. What IS that??? Did people actually grew up and moved on? What is this clinging to all possible threads of paths just because they can? *headshake*
And partly because I don´t want to find myself distracted, I have LJ and that is enough for me I think. Facebook seems dangerous. I hope I´ll manage to ride out the storm, savvy…
I´m not saying I can´t change my mind – a little about FB maybe but really: the attention people give those Twitterytastic things is beyond my understanding.
On the other hand; others would probably not understand my joy and pleasure from a fandomrelated space (or my addiction to pervy fanfiction) either. Or the amount of time I actually spend on LJ!! *snerk*
There isn't much femslash potential in LOTR, if any - I mean, Arwen & Eowyn don't even meet until after the coronation, and Galadriel is Arwen's grandmother, for heaven's sake.:P
LOL - yes, sadly… but outside of canon everything is possible.. =D Aww..the poor Tolkien, if he only knew what was being done to his lifework.. *whistles*
Is it out already???
Yes yes!! I think it was released in November and I watched it some time ago.
I was just amazed by the devotion of the people involved in the project. It´s beautifully made. And the twins are in it too… *grins*
OMG... WOW. That was... mmmmm. *loses the power of speech for a moment* Apparently, I need more naked women in my life.
Yup. Don´t we all.. *sigh* And that is the understatement of the century. ;P
*sends us both a bunch of naked!bellydancers*
Hah. It's not like there's a lot of competition right now, you know.;P
No..? *purrs*
*looks suspiciously around*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-05 03:13 pm (UTC)Corbin Fisher´s website is pretty yummy *nods*
And there´s always the way of googling "nekkid butts" =D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-06 04:00 am (UTC)Really? Wow. *heart!flutters* I never thought of it as strength, let alone being sexy... I'm just not good at hiding my emotions from people who matter - so at some point I simply decided to stop trying.:P
who is seducing who I wonder?!
Now, if we're both doing it without even consciously attempting to do it - what does that say?... *blink blink* ;)
*stares puzzled at*: I guess I could say it's good I can still surprise myself - but I'm not actually surprised, to be honest. This is so ME it's not even funny anymore - I just kind of managed to convince myself it's never going to happen again, because I'm so WISE and MATURE now and blahblahblah.
Okay. Let me try to explain. I have a history of long-distance infatuations and other "inconvenient" affairs. The probability of me developing an unhealthy fascination with someone seems to be directly DISproportionate to the person's actual "availability", for any number of reasons (for example: the wrong sexual orientation; the wrong - too distant - spot on the map; being already "taken"; not being interested in "that kind" of relationship with me etc.etc.etc.). So I've been kind of promising myself that next time, before I ever let the butterflies into my stomach, I will first make sure that there is an actual CHANCE of that situation leading SOMEWHERE. Welll... see how that turned out. *snort*
Is it better to feel less attached? Maybe I just don´t understand this right.
Ignore that part. That's just me being insecure and repeating the old mantra that I'm ALWAYS the one who cares too much and everyone else gets tired of me and wants some space. Which might not be actually true - but that's what I'm always afraid of. *bites lip*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-07 01:12 am (UTC)You're counting ME in the sane category?... This might not be such a good idea. *shifty eyes* ;)
I´m still asking if it´s really to any point at all staying in touch in that way
Exactly. It's like sending distant relatives polite and meaningless holiday cards once or twice a year, without actually caring what's going on in their lives. Why bother?...
don´t want to be annoyed by people who I´ve left behind years ago stay in touch with some insignificant classmates for fucks sake. What IS that???
It is annoying AND disturbing, imo. I mean, I've had "friend requests" from people I didn't even know - they just saw they someone they knew had me on their friends' list. WTF??? According to that logic, we're ALL friends anyway - the entire world population, LOL. Not that I have a problem with that concept in itself - I just don't see why I need to know what the entire world population had for breakfast this morning.:P
On the other hand; others would probably not understand my joy and pleasure from a fandomrelated space (or my addiction to pervy fanfiction) either. Or the amount of time I actually spend on LJ!! *snerk*
Well, they don't have to understand it. I certainly do.;D
Aww..the poor Tolkien, if he only knew what was being done to his lifework.. *whistles*
I know! I sort of hope we don't get to meet him in the afterlife... *snort*
*sends us both a bunch of naked!bellydancers*
*grabs your hand and joins the dance*
I do have a nicely rounded belly, so I qualify, you know.;P
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-08 02:59 am (UTC)I'm just not good at hiding my emotions from people who matter - so at some point I simply decided to stop trying
It´s ok to surrender I suppose. I do it all the fucking time really. Actually, I´m all for the openness. (nah! Who could tell?) Well, in the end it´s not like there is a prize to those who hides emotions..*generally throws self off cliff*
Now, if we're both doing it without even consciously attempting to do it - what does that say?
Hmm.. could be anything from Emotional Ability versus Highspeed-connection across the oceans, just pure psychology or self-suggestion, or maybe some kind of channeling due to heavily pervyfied brains after years of slash-reading? Really, things like that happen – obviously without that we know of its reasons. Sometimes people clash?
I don’t know you, you don´t know me. But we have a lot of thoughts in common and things to share, I think.
I´m possibly very much in love with your brain/in lust with your fics/infatuated by your personality somehow, though I admit it sounds really weird but that´s what it is. I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
The probability of me developing an unhealthy fascination with someone seems to be directly DISproportionate to the person's actual "availability"
Ok. I understand your fear. Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it. (Unless there´s a total conspiracy somewhere..) =P
When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you? Because I don´t really see anything wrong with fascinations at all. We get attached to some people - or archetypes even – and of course it´s damn fascinating! Those want to teach us something, or they can be gifts given unaware or perhaps even given to ourselves from ourselves – meaning that we have drawn them to us because of some reason. (Yeah, I know that I can be awfully philosophic at times, but what else to do with thoughts except sharing them?)
So I've been kind of promising myself that next time, before I ever let the butterflies into my stomach, I will first make sure that there is an actual CHANCE of that situation leading SOMEWHERE
It is easy making deals with oneself innit? LOL+omg!yay!butterflies =)
But I do believe it´s possible to connect with people, whichever way that happens; be it 5 minutes or 20 years, but we can´t really avoid meeting certain souls on our way through life. So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow and well, I guess that´s my view of life as it comes to me at 5 am. *snerk*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-08 03:03 am (UTC)Of course, now who would we be if not our own worst enemy..? Fears are easily projected onto reality I suppose. Whatever we perceive reality such as. =P
So in this scenario, what is the worst that can happen? *challenges*
So you.. this.. now: I don´t mean to scare you off, or intimidate you. It´s ok to seduce and be seduced for me. Just tell me to stop if it makes you feel bad somehow - I´ll totally understand.
Because I´ll go ffgsghjhlölälk over a lot of things you write and will – apparently - tell you about it too. *obviously not having a bone of shame left in my body*
Since I am a person drowning willingly in seducement (most of the times sinking to the bottom of the ocean too) but really, I´m just letting things happen when they feel good cos I´m life!greedy and enjoy seducement and yeah I´m stretching out on its altar, offering myself. That´s how I live. *yep* But; I don´t want to make you feel fragile, if that is what you fear to feel. I think we have a great dialogue - open as a book about it all and I wish it really to continue like that. I have no intention to make you feel..bad , you know?
Don´t want to hurt you or make you feel vulnerable. *in fact, feels very protective*
Ok, TMI.
Remember that duct tape?
Please shut me up with it.
I´ve already talked too much for my own good.
Damnit I need to work on my persona.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-08 11:17 pm (UTC)Why didn't I think of that?... LOL
(OMG we have the same butt-obsession, do we not?... *rolls around giggling madly*)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-10 01:41 am (UTC)If it didn´t sound too macabre I would consider having a butt!collection...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-10 03:53 am (UTC)Now, that's an interesting theory...;P
I´m not stupid; I have no idea if I would “feel” anything in terms of attraction or deeper feelings should we ever meet - as that is, I guess, pure chemistry and can´t really be inflicted upon by the power of will as far as I know. And it´s not really important because the probability that our RL-paths will cross is pretty small and I don´t think it really matters one way or the other. Nonetheless it is possible to connect despite everything else and have an important exchange both spiritually/emotionally - and what the hell; even sexually, as seen in the slashtastic little heaven wherein we both find ourselves.
Yes. *breathes* You are right, of course. It doesn't really matter what would or wouldn't happen IF we ever met in RL, and puzzling over it is totally pointless right now. See, I have this tendency to make things appear more complicated than they really have to be. Must be my mother's genes or something, dammit.:P When something feels good, I have this uncanny ability to spoil it by wondering WHY it feels good, how long it's going to feel that way and if there is a price tag attached to it, LOL. I don't like this about myself, and I certainly don't want to inflict it on other people by spoiling THEIR fun as well.:( So please - if you ever catch me doing it again (inventing problems out of thin air, that is), just give me a gentle shake, OK?...;)
Maybe you can see what is your “lesson” (if you believe in such things) to learn in love, if you decipher the pattern. If there is one, only you´ll know it.
It's been suggested to me that I'm doing it on purpose - not consciously, of course, but intentionally nonetheless - because it's "safer" to love people from a distance. This may very well be true (and my numerous "celebrity crushes" also seem to confirm this). All the less reason to complain about the distance then, isn't it?... *sigh*
When you say “unhealthy fascination”, what exactly does it mean to you?
That's a good question, because I find I don't really know. I suppose I just used that word because I tend to get very self-deprecating when I am feeling vulnerable. You know, totally mocking myself before anyone else has a chance to do it. Your simple, logical question made me realize that I was doing it again, and that it's not facilitating the communication process... lol.
So whatever this is, if there is a “this” - it´s really ok from my POV to just let it be what it is. A connection. We don´t need to make it into something else, though I don´t think we should ignore it either. What I´m saying is.. it´s ok, “this” – in fact it´s really fucking great. We just don´t need to give it any other name. Does it matter where it leads? Life doesn´t hold any guarantees. What is certain now is uncertain tomorrow
Very true - but see, this is precisely why I have issues with life, lol. I WANT my guarantees, dammit.;) I tend to overthink everything all the time and run ahead of myself and... oh dear. This is where I usually scare people off, so The Time To Bolt Is Now.:D But seriously, you are absolutely right - it makes perfect sense to just "let it be what it is", and to simply enjoy it. Why hasn't that occurred to me?... *headdesk*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-10 04:44 am (UTC)Hmmm... you saying OMG she really is too much and wisely keeping your distance.;P Which, of course, would hurt, but not as much now as it might later. But I really don't want to be one of those people who reject others before others have a chance to reject them. Am I? I hope not. *bites lip*
I don´t mean to scare you off, or intimidate you. It´s ok to seduce and be seduced for me. Just tell me to stop if it makes you feel bad somehow - I´ll totally understand.
Oh no. Don't stop.;P It's not making me feel bad at all. It's making me feel better than I have in a while.:D The only one who's TRYING to make me feel bad about it somehow is my own stupid self - but I'm not letting her spoil it for me, OK?... *major schizo alert here, LOL*
Since I am a person drowning willingly in seducement (most of the times sinking to the bottom of the ocean too) but really, I´m just letting things happen when they feel good cos I´m life!greedy and enjoy seducement and yeah I´m stretching out on its altar, offering myself. That´s how I live.
I have a feeling this is exactly what I find so attractive about you. *nods*
I think we have a great dialogue - open as a book about it all and I wish it really to continue like that.
Yes. I wish that too.:D <3
feels very protective
You have no idea how sexy THAT sounded. *melts* ;)
Remember that duct tape?
Please shut me up with it.
I´ve already talked too much for my own good.
No you haven't, and I have no intention of shutting you up. No duct tape for you! *hides it under lock and key* :P
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-10 05:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-10 01:45 pm (UTC)*points at icon*
a delicious Orli!butt thanx =)
oh gods.. I love the shaggy hair on him. I miss the curly days =/ He´s wearing entirely too little curls at the mo..
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-11 10:01 am (UTC)*nods*
This can also mean that we are both completely insane of course. But in that case I guess we´ll never know it for sure anyway. *whistles innocently while doing flaily crazy!dance*
It's like sending distant relatives polite and meaningless holiday cards once or twice a year, without actually caring what's going on in their lives.
This is soo true. I couldn´t possibly care about relations which aren´t "true" or where there´s some form of exchange, whether or not that´d include relatives or friends or lovers. To stay in contact with people without a real reason is making me feel sick. I did a major clean-out in the Friends-department a few years back just because of that. I mean, I think it´s important to look close at the people who surround us and to whom we give our energy. The worst cases are those STEALING energy, and those have to go immediately. I don´t know, maybe I´m just very receptive and sensitive in this way but relations can either be energizing or draining so in the end it´s all about survival instinct for me. *shivers*
I sort of hope we don't get to meet him in the afterlife
Oh, I´d love to.. I have a few questions about the homoerotic undertones, being the doom of subtext for pervy fangirls.. =D
You know, I do believe in parallel universes and somewhere in my heart I think I live there.
Aren´t bellies supposed to be rounded btw?
;)
*shakes bells*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-11 03:17 pm (UTC)Yes yes yes!!! Shaggy!Orli is a Hot!Orli, LOL. Mmmmm... Paris... *salivates* ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-12 01:37 am (UTC)I'm afraid the Professor might not see the homoerotic undertones, even if he put them there.;) Homo!taboo in his times was very strong...
But then again - in the afterlife, his attitude might have changed.:P
Aren´t bellies supposed to be rounded btw?
Well... Viggo has a washboard stomach at 50.;) But then again - he does all those weird movie stunts, brandishes swords, rides horses and swims in freezing oceans, while I mostly sit at the computer. So yeah. Pretty simple cause & effect connection, I suppose.:P
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-13 03:15 am (UTC)*vigorli!crushes and mutates*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-15 03:00 am (UTC)Ahhh, the posibilities... *swoons a little*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-16 12:41 am (UTC)He was channeling and he can´t deny it! I can see hoards of fangirls marching.. =P
Viggo has a washboard stomach at 50.;) But then again - he does all those weird movie stunts, brandishes swords, rides horses and swims in freezing oceans, while I mostly sit at the computer. So yeah. Pretty simple cause & effect connection, I suppose.
Yeah, well he´s a man mah dear..I´ll blame those things on metabolism... though washboard!types are quite rare at his age even with that gender.
It´s unfair. Next life we´ll ask for one of those washboard-male!bodies *snerk*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-16 01:38 am (UTC)I´m rather flattered as it is..and I thought I was the one to put this on you.. don´t want you to feel awkward while I pretty much enjoy myself like crazy.. though I sort of thought to enjoy the whole thing until it fell apart.
Which it might, who knows. =) But it´s ok for now, isn´t it?
IMO; Hearts are supposed to get scarred somehow cos that would mean we have acually allowed them to feel something. Well, technically.. hearts being a symbol and all that. I wouldn´t for my life walk around with an airbag attached to it to keep it intact. But maybe I´m just sort of self-destructive in this area and you should probably listen to me with a certain amount of irony wired around my advices.
But would you rather not feel what you´re feeling?
I can understand that too, because feelings can be really confusing. (and I don´t think trusting-the-feelings is always the best choice either, meaning instead.. perhaps that ..beyond feelings, beyond reason, there´s always what the spirit knows, oftentimes confused with Feelings or Reason or simply substituted one for the other)
The only one who's TRYING to make me feel bad about it somehow is my own stupid self - but I'm not letting her spoil it for me
LOL you need to tell "her" that "you" ddon´t give a fuck and that bungyjumping doesn´t always mean ending up shattered in a parking lot.
feels very protective/You have no idea how sexy THAT sounded. I have no_idea what has gotten into me... LOL - I´m not usually.. protective. Or wasn´t. Uh.
Gawd! I gotta think of my reputation..*znork*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-17 01:17 am (UTC)Which it might, who knows. =) But it´s ok for now, isn´t it?
See, this is the kind of approach to life I would LOVE to develop. I keep trying, lol. To just enjoy people/relationships/circumstances etc., even though they might - and most probably will, at some point - change or 'fall apart'. And I do enjoy them, don't get me wrong - it's just that, at the back of my mind, I find myself constantly anticipating the painful moment of breaking away. And the fact that I know all to well how that feels doesn't help much. *sigh*
Hearts are supposed to get scarred somehow cos that would mean we have acually allowed them to feel something. (...) I wouldn´t for my life walk around with an airbag attached to it to keep it intact.
That's a beautiful and courageous thing to say, and I essentially agree. But I'm a coward, and there aren't many things that scare me half as much as emotional pain - it fact, that's the one thing in life that truly incapacitates me. I do get over it, eventually, as I have many times - but I will never stop being afraid of it, or feeling momentarily drained of all energy at the very thought of having to go through it once again...
But would you rather not feel what you´re feeling?
No. I wouldn't want that feeling to go away, now that it's here.
Remember that angsty love-affair story at the beginning of my LJ?... Well, I don't regret it, even though it hurt like hell and took me months to recover (and might be one of the reasons I am afraid to get emotionally involved with anyone ever again). That should answer your question, I suppose.
bungyjumping doesn´t always mean ending up shattered in a parking lot
That's true. It doesn't.:)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-20 01:03 am (UTC)I am probably all for the emotional!pain, constantly throwing myself into situations which ultimately get my heart broken in one way or the other - but it´s still ok. (Obviously that must mean I´m a "give-it-to-me-raw-and-wriggling"-kind of creature.. *slaps heart*)
Heart says: "Emotional waters are indeed dark and interesting - not one withoput the other. What can one eager creature do in the end except to yield against the unknown forces? Yeah yeah.. There are currents and sharks and yet the curiosity is greater than the fear."
(In my next life I should probably really ask to become a cartoon.) =P