Floating Leaf

Snagged from gairid:





Again, surprisingly accurate. Maybe except for those big ideas that other people are impressed with... LOL.

( highly insignificant news under the cut )

Any recommendations for herbal remedies/relaxation techniques to fight a vicious PMS? I think I am reaching a new level of Pissed Off Hormonal Bitch, or something to that effect. I've been incredibly irritable today, for no good reason (other than PMS, obviously). I snapped at a coworker who was trying to help me with something (I apologized later, and she's not mad at me, but still); then I got terribly upset about another coworker's messy/haphazard approach to a certain task (that's how he is, and I know it, and usually I find it either amusing or only mildly irritating; but today I felt like strangling the guy with my bare hands); then I had an obsessive-compulsive fit of frantically trying to fix his mess at the last minute (after he had already left for the day), which resulted in leaving the building a minute too late and narrowly missing the bus - and then having to wait 40 minutes for the next one.:/ (And no, I couldn't go back to the office and do some more work during those 40 minutes, because, due to some stupid rules, we are not allowed to work after 6 p.m.)

As for why I was taking the bus in the first place... Well, my driver's license just expired. Here in the US it normally expires on your birthday. Also, you normally get a renewal notice/reminder in the mail. I didn't get anything (no idea why, btw) - so I almost forgot about it. Besides, I thought I would be able to renew it online this time - but no such luck. Since I haven't received the reminder with a code to enter into the online form, I have to physically go to the nearest drivers' facility - which closes at 5 p.m. I work till 5:30. And we are insanely busy this week - still, or again, or however you look at it. This time the busy doesn't involve any phone calls, at least for me - so it's more manageable. But still. This is the stuff I normally work on, the stuff I feel responsible for. I don't actually WANT to take any time off until after the nearest deadline - so I decided to use public transportation for the time being, just in case. After today, though, I am pretty much discouraged from that idea. Since I can't seem to vacate the premises early enough to catch the last bus, due to being unable to leave someone else's mess unsorted on the desk. *massive sigh*

The funny thing is, I am not being paid nearly enough to justify this sort of attitude. I should just say "screw it" and blithely shirk any and all responsibility for someone else's shortcomings. But if we are all working on the same project, and I feel somehow accountable for the quality of said project, then I can't just sit back and watch someone be totally non-anal-retentive about it. *headdesk* When did I become such a control freak?... Is this ridiculously insignificant (in the grand scheme of things, anyway) job beginning to take over my life? Should I seek therapy?...

Another week passed in a blur. Yes, I did receive another list of people to contact, and I did make more calls; some from home in the morning, and some from the office late in the day, after most of my coworkers had left (this time my list included a few papers from Western US, in the Pacific time zone, which is two hours behind Chicago - so calling them early in the morning really wasn't an option). One guy left me a voicemail asking to call him back regarding the email I'd sent him - and I did. This was early afternoon, but luckily the three people sitting closest to me had left their desks at almost the same time; I took that as a sign that I should call now, lol. I was nervous, of course, but not nearly as much as I would have been a few weeks earlier, I think. It is always a little easier for me to talk to someone who has left me a message first - especially if their voice sounds pleasant/friendly and I can understand every word they're saying - than to call a complete stranger. But regardless - I think I am making progress here. Slow and painful, but progress nonetheless. The main thing is, I am no longer afraid of this project. I still find it draining, bothersome and annoying - but I am not likely to have nightmares about it anymore. So maybe I should thank my boss for forcing me to face my limitations. Btw, I have very good results (over 90%, which was the goal), and it looks like we are done for now. I am so relieved I feel almost dizzy, lol. I just don't have the energy to worry about anything else at this point. All I want to do this weekend is sleep in, read fiction, watch a good film etc.

I haven't had much energy for commenting either - it was as if my brain kept shutting down every evening around 8-9 p.m. or so. I could read, but had no capacity for formulating thoughts etc. And writing emails was way too much work.:/ Btw, two good old friends emailed me this week, worried by my prolonged silence.:( I mean, I am usually the one pestering people about not writing to me often enough. I must have been really mentally preoccupied to let this happen. *sigh*

Anyway... I think I'll turn in now. Let me just wrap it up with some massive, heartfelt ***HUGS*** for stormatdusk. She will know why. <3333333

Should I attempt an update? I get twitchy if I don't post anything here for an entire week or more.:) On the other hand, I don't really have the time for a lengthy rant - and after a week of not posting, a lengthy rant is precisely what I'm in the mood for. *sigh*

This week has been extremely exhausting. ( Read more... )

THANK YOU, stormatdusk, for the adorable little puppy! It was really sweet of you. *hugs*

I feel sooo tired. It is freezing outside, and the commute wore me out. I almost didn't make it to the bus stop in the morning, because the sidewalk along the main road was all covered with a waist-high mound of snow. I had to walk around through a maze of back streets/parking lots/private driveways, searching for a passable path. Also, did I mention that it was FREEZING? *shudder* Well, at least work was very quiet - most people didn't make it, there were just a few of us in the office. The management rewarded our dedication with a free pizza lunch.:) And I stuffed myself silly, because being outside in this weather takes all the energy out of me and I feel hungry all the time. I just want to eat and sleep, and then sleep some more. In fact, I think that's what I'm about to do. Go to bed before I get hungry again. *massive yawn*

There is a raging blizzard outside. It's supposed to keep raging throughout the Midwest until tomorrow afternoon, at least. My workplace closed early today, and they have already sent out a voicemail to all employees anouncing that it will also be closed tomorrow. Now, this is no small potatoes. Our office is never closed. The lady who retired last year told me once that in all 30+ years she had worked there, this happened maybe once or twice. So I am still in a state of mild shock over this... lol. As well as IMMENSELY relieved that I DO NOT have to go outside tomorrow. My windows are rattling something fierce right now. I took public transportation to work today, because the thought of driving in a blizzard was giving me hives - and let me just tell you that the commute back home wasn't fun. If I were just a few pounds lighter, I might have accidentally learned to fly on my way from the bus stop.;) But I think I made it before the worst of the storm. There's not a living soul to be seen outside by now. I think pretty much all the schools/businesses in the area will be closed tomorrow - including the O'Hare airport (I know, because a coworker's husband works there). I'm not sure about grocery stores - but luckily I don't have to visit one until next weekend. The one thing I'm worried about is a possible power outage - but my heating is not electric, so even if I do lose power, at least I will not freeze to death (there is a major Arctic front expected tomorrow, in addition to the storm). Which is definitely a comforting thought. *shivers*

Now, the question is whether I will be able to use my car on Thursday morning. It's out there on the street, covered in snow, and will most likely be a frozen little pile of junk metal by then. Not that I necessarily want to be driving it on icy roads either - but if it doesn't start/gets stuck in the snow etc., I will have a problem. God, I so want that car off my hands, I can't even. *sigh*

Anyway... since I'm here and my internet is still working (yay!), I might just as well do another installment of the nearly-forgotten 30-day meme.:)

( Day 06 - Your day, in great detail )

Incredibly enough, I've had a really high response rate to my email blast so far. I've also found a lot of new rate information online. Which means I will only need to call five papers, at the most. Hopefully fewer, if any of those remaining five get back to me by Wednesday. I can handle that, probably. Which doesn't mean I will not be a nervous wreck - just that I might manage to keep a lid on it for my coworkers' benefit. *sigh*

Also, there will be overtime next week. Up to 10 hours for everyone on my team. Since I need extra cash pretty badly, I SHOULD be taking as many extra hours as I am being offered. The thing is, I can't do 10 extra hours unless I start earlier than usual in the morning, because we are not allowed to stay in the building past 6 p.m. And on Saturdays we have to vacate the premises by 2 p.m. So if I start at 9 a.m., I can put in 7 extra hours at the most (well, 7.5, assuming I am never late - which is a very unrealistic assumption, I have to admit). So, should I attempt to drag my ass out of bed earlier just to make the additional thirty bucks per week or so, after taxes and shit and stuff?... Or should I just say fuck it? ( Read more... )

So, I called in sick on Tuesday, and I said I was down with a bad cold. That's what I usually say when I have to call in sick on the first workday after a weekend. It's a likely scenario, especially during the winter, and therefore believable. ( Read more... )

I thought I had so much to post about... but there is actually such a whirling chaos of conflicting thoughts and emotions going on in my head these days that I can't possibly put words to it. And I don't have the time to indulge in the luxury of slow, careful introspection that would allow me to sort it all out. In fact, I am avoiding too much introspection. I am trying to be very practical and Get Stuff Done. Which isn't accomplishing all that much, to be honest - but at least it's keeping me from rocking in the chair and staring blindly at the wall. Or possibly asking the one unavoidable question: Why Bother?... Because big questions like that are truly dangerous. They can put your brain on overdrive and make you forget all about the practical stuff, which still needs getting done. And as long as we still care about that - or pretend that we do - everything is more or less fine with the universe, right? Right?

Because I need a break from the constant mental angst, and because I simply REFUSE to worry about practical/money-related stuff after 10 p.m., here's a fic rec for you. I would have mentioned it sooner if RL hadn't gotten in the way... but for the past week or so I've felt like I wasn't even able to appreciate it fully, let alone convey my appreciation to the author or anyone else. I need to read it again - several times, probably - when my mind is calmer and less focused on debilitating trivialities of life... but in the meantime, I give you the link to judge for yourselves. dissonant_dream, we've been talking about this. Our fantasy of Aragorn going to Valinor has been fulfilled. And it's been done in a breathtakingly beautiful way. Keep a good supply of tissues at hand.;)

http://geale01.livejournal.com/29312.html

I never figured out all this html stuff about placing a link under a word etc., but the title of the story is Grace, and it was written by geale01. If you know me, you know the pairing.;)